Narcissism

I don’t mind being a sex symbol: Aditya

BACK TO Basics: Aditya We think he could soon earn the tag of Sandalwood sex symbol......Yeah rright...N i am the next Hugh Jackman FYI: He's a Sandalwood actor and this article appeared in ToI

Idiot Box

Quite a fad to squeeze in 'idiot' everywhere, isn't it???

So one reaches home at 6 and am alone. Plenty of time to relax before dinner. Now relaxation, ideally, should involve a glass of whiskey, a cuban cigar, and a stripper gyrating inches away from you. But ain't life a bitch. One had to settle for a cuppa tea and the newspaper.

Now, if you don't care about "Brangelina's" break up or Ramya's (don't ask me who the hell she is) new movie, you would have already finished ToI midway through your ultra-quick no.2 in the morning. So I was left alone with the darned remote control.

I don't know what it is about the TV. It's like this hot girl asking you to let her drive. You just can't refuse despite knowing that, she being a girl, you'll regret it. Gullible folks like me, make the same mistake with the TV and switch it on most of the times. And as like a girl driving, accidents usually follow a good start here.

So I switch it on to set max, which is showing those amazing IPL "we missed you" commercials - All you guys should watch those at least on you tube. And then the surfing begins. One wades through a clutter of movies in languages incomprehensible to most north indian ears, and lands on CID which shows a bomb-squad comprising of one personnel, who's wearing a friggin' space-suit with a skull at the back.

After sometime which felt like hours, one moves on, only to find himself staring at(not watching) a soap, set in Rajasthan, where every woman wears saree and jewellery all the time and the men recite lines in a language which, they think, resembles Rajasthani. Yeah, nobody can stay on that for long.

Having never liked music much, except for few old songs, there's no incentive to tune in to the music channels which show SRK playing himself in his next movie. So I move to news channels hoping to catch something informative, but the Sainiks and Rahul Baba won't let me avail my right of information. I dread the day when we'll have to lodge an RTI to get the budget.

At long end, I decided to settle on good old cricket. I could even watch an Eng vs Ban Test match so it was a safe bet. But what were they showing? Highlights of India being thrashed by SA in an old match. Great. But the Cherry on the cake were the breaks where Surya reads lines from under the camera about saving tigers. I bet he didnt get the full payment. I mean, I could do a better job at reciting without expressions, or even pause.

Never again, I said, and switched it off.

PS: Forgit to mention Rahul Mahajan looking for a bride. But you can imagine how was that.

Bizzarre Bihanis

I: Why would any girl want to marry Rahul Mahajan. He drove his last wife out of home by beating her.

Dad: Not his fault. Some just don't leave without a beating.

Chennai Trip

So, I went to Chennai for 2 day. Yeah, go on. I can hear your laughing. But they ain't shifting the campus anytime soon so if I gotta meet college friends, I gotta go to Chennai, unless they come to Bangalore. Things have changed in the campus, for the worse.

The weather till sucks and due to the extension work going on, the mess-terrace is gone from 3 storeyed hostels and those poor chaps can't sleep during the day, thanks to the incessant hammering and drilling noise. Forget about sleeping, they can't even watch a movie in that much noise. Things are even worse in my hostel. Why? Because Bhaand still hasn't left and he has managed to grow the hair on his non-bald island on head long enough to tie 'it up in a pony. Good luck, Narmadites.

The good part, of course, was meeting friends and congratulating them on their placements. But this happiness was short-lived as I discovered on my way back. See, they will become bankers, analysts, consultants etc. but none of these positions have any real power. I mean, they will be able to acuire anything money can buy but nothing that money can't. And even master card agrees that money cannot buy everything.

You know what money can't buy but power can? The right to pull a 23 years old's cheek and get away it in a crowded train. The right to still refuse him a seat even after the ordeal. The poor boy's only fault was to have hoped for the elusive mistress called luck to provide him a seat in a reserved compartment, with th help of Mr. money. But she refused to show up. And it was then that my life changed.

See, I had enough money to buy out the man himself but I still couldn't buy myself out of the heinous act. That was a moment of clarity. I realised what I were to become. A TTE in a day train. Those guys have real power man. They can throw you outta the train, they can make you stand for hours and they can damn well pull your cheek. Imagine sashaying in an overcrowded compartment, wearing a coat in 45 degrees, throwing the first one out, making the second guy stand and pulling every 3rd guy's cheek. Heck, you might become a TTE on the arc shown in 2012, if a catastrophe is on its way.

Now since I've decided to become one and have no clue where to begin, please send me any details you might possess/come across. If it turns out to be helpful, I assure you, your cheeks will be stamped 'safe.'

The 3 idiotic things

Long time since I wrote because it's hard to write long essays on miniscule topics, given my attention span, and as a man not given to hard work, I give it a miss..

What do Americans have against their own culture? My guess is Inferiority complex. So many times have I seen movies where some less educated community is threatened by americans/english and they hit back bravely (except,of course, Bond against the Russians). There was Lawrence of Arabia, The Last Samurai, Dances with the Wolves, some movie on Vietnam, Letters to eo Jhima and now there's the 3D wonder Avatar. Frankly this movie was nothing without the effects. For plot, it had a sad story about how Americans attack Pandora and the native nomads defend their land, referring to earth as a 'dying planet'. I mean, c'mon guys, how much can you hate your own country? I don't think we Indians can stand a movie which portrays us in a bad light. Can we? May be we could tolerate a movie against Indians, but certainly nothing against our caste or community.

Mr. Bhagat, please stop polluting the world. You are a terrible excuse for a writer, you cry like a little girl for credit in a bad movie and you do not look or sound good on TV. As if this all wasn't enough, you are wasting precious newsprint space in TOI every Sunday. But I am not all criticism and can see the silver lining here. It's people like you who give me hope. If you could make a career out of writing, I figure I could become a Test-match batsman or even a Biotech scientist, in spite of the aforementioned span of attention.

That's right, the 3rd point is about that stupid movie. All sorts of thing, good and bad, have been said about the movie and hence all I want to say is, I have seen suicides in my college life but never due to a professor. The reason s always something else. Even in the movie, the Dean didn't anticipate the suicide/attempt and hence it's hardly logical to blame him. And yeah, in real life, the courses or projects aren't so difficult that they push you to such actions. I am a 'living' example, passing with a decent CGPA and a BTP which I finished in under 5 days (although I didn't have a job by the time I left but that blame lies on others and not at all on the prof).

Mob

Kannada actor Vishnu died yesterday. Apparently he was a legend here, next only to 'eeef you come today' Rajkumar. Realising the situation could be dangerous, Most offices remained closed and hence I got an unexpected holiday. Turns out, those fears were not baseless; his fans, who apparently had nothing better to do, torched a few vehicles. Now I don't believe in spirits but even those who do would agree that Yama did not come to take him in any of those vehicles.

This incident highlights our low levels of tolerance for anything and everything. A recent survey put us 2nd behind Iran on religious intolerance. I fear we would even beat Iran if we just talk about intolerance. Vishnu died, let off the steam with some charred vehicles. Rajkumar dies, kill 5 more. India cricket team lose a match, demolish their homes.

One could even comprehend (not support) the fury and angst over bigger issues like religion, reservation or a separate state but such chaos over a natural death is beyond imagination. The most frustrating thing is that these people always get away with it. Be it the Hindus in Gujarat, Gujjars in Rajasthan, Telangana supporters in Andhra or even yesterday's mob. The law keepers are all to happy to sweep it under the carpet.

It is infuriating to watch civilised people trample law and order like that. Perhaps we deserve an alive Afzal Guru, a '6-months sentenced' SPS Rathore and a remorseless Kasab. We perhaps also deserve the shame of not being able to try Hadlee or hang Abu Salem.

I hope things change and change soon.

Happy new year

Narcissist Narmad

Random Guy: What does 'Jai Ho' mean?

Achaar: Long live the revolution

10 Ways to have your way in India

1. Become Rich - Apart from making decisions effecting millions of lives, you can buy an IPL team and actually tell Sehwag how to play.

2. Be with a silver spoon born - This works great if you have billing issues with your mobile company. Just open one of your own. And if you are now getting the bills from your own company, you can do the following: spar over it with your brother so loud that neighbors hear everything. In the ensuing division of toys keep this one and then send the bill to your brother, just to teach him a lesson.

3. Become a movie (super) star - You can date the hottest of 'em, get away with hunting deer, running over people, doing shows for, politely put, questionable people and advertsing for Arindam Choudhary.

Caution : 'Super' is important; Shiney Ahuja is discovering that the hard way.

4. Be a star-son: You can start an acting career whenever you've run out of things to do or you can even marry a Miss World.

5. Become a cricketer: You can get a car imported without paying any duty or you can run for assembly elections. Just make sure people have forgotten about the irrelevant stuff like match-fixing or homicide charges. And blimey- You might even develop the guts to put India before Maharashtra despite being a Marathi living in Bombay... OMG...I'm terribly sorry.. It's Mumbai

6. Become a cricketer's son: Oops... This just came out with the flow. Not much good here, unless Rohan Gavaskar's lifestyle inspires you.

6. Become a gangster: This way, you can prepare the ground to become a politician, the benifits of which are described next.

7. Become a politician: Do I really need to explain this? You can also go down in history books as the one who reserved 27% of govt. seats to the disadvantaged, hence making the upper-caste born rue their lineage - an activity reserved for the reserved category before reservations came in to picture.

8. Become a politician's son: Apart from the obvious advantages of becoming a politician yourself, you can get away with doing cocaine and making headlines about it.

9. Declare yourself a Godman: You can claim others' land, indulge in nefariously sleazy activities and sit on a tiger's skin atop golden throne, while claiming to have renounced materialistic pleasures.

10.Fast-unto-death: This one is serious. Gandhi set a wrong precedent. In the first place, one man's principles cannot be more important than a nation's needs. And in today's world, with blind ambitions replacing principles, this is turning dangerous. One man can now ignite the whole of Andhra Pradesh.

Ways you might be tempted to take but shouldn't

11. Replace Manmohan Singh or YSR: They are at high and mighty positions but while the Reddy brothers have reined in YSR, MMS has been dutifully reporting to 'Madamji' since taking charge of India.

Bizarre Bihanis

Me(in a lot of pain): My wisdom tooth is erupting

Dad: YES!!! Thank God. I had given up hopes on you.

Such People Do Exist

This post is a bout a girl named Palak Muchhal. I heard of her for the 1st time when I was in Kota and she performed their. A sensational singer already, she was all of 12 years then. With time, I forgot about her, only to be reminded of her a few days later on my trip to Nagpur. My uncles had attended her performance just a day back and just could not stop talking about her. About her voice, her behaviour, her polite manner and the ever-visible smile on her face. But most of all, for her deeds.

Apart from accommodation and travel expenses, this girl charges a minimum of Rs. 50,000 per show and has erformed in Dubai and Singapore too. In Nagpur, I'm told, she collected Rs. 21 Lakhs. This is the amount donated by the 400-500 people present their. Apart from the obvious inferences about the gathering being of Big, fat-rich people, it perhaps indicates the cause she works for.

All the proceeds from her shows go in the treatment of children needing a heart surgery but whose parents cannot afford it. Since each surgery costs Rs. 50,000, hence the minimum amount. All she gets is a doll for each of the life saved. So far she has received 234 dolls and she is not even 18 yet. So if some 'possesses-truck-loads-of-money-but-doesn't-know-what-to-do-with-it' sort of guy stumbles upon this article; take this suggestion.

This obviously would not have been possible without her parents' support who have instilled such values in her and have retained those values themselves. I am not likely to forget this anytime soon.

Such people do exist
Kudos