Ashtung

The hungry couple

2012-01-26T03:41:00.000+05:30

She was anxious. He had been gone since morning. He had never been away that long before. But times were such. A fortnight ago, a couple had rang their doorbell looking for directions, having lost their way in the vast non-descript countryside and there was no other house in sight. That was the last time they had some fresh food. The couple provided them with enough food to last a week and they had been starving since.

“I’ll go to the city and try to find some food”, said the husband and walked out of the door, famished and desperate. It wasn’t always such. They were a typical family, living a typical life in the suburbs of the city. There was nothing of note to distinguish them from the family next door, or at the end of the lane. They had been to a few, clandestine wild places to satiate their innermost fetishes. But then, which family doesn’t have its own embarrassing secrets.

Something, though, had changed over the past year or so. The sensation was strange and each of them kept it to themselves until they could no longer hold it and confessed to each other. They were surprised to learn that both of them are going through similar condition. They promised each other to not share it with anyone else and tried to ignore it.

They put up a façade for sometime but first the family and then friends, colleagues, the entire world started noticing the changes. Invitations from the social circles decreased, greetings from familiar faces ceased and then one day, he was asked to look for a job somewhere else. That was the first time in her life that she felt hunger pangs. He had then tried to grab some food and run from the store. He was caught; they were declared unfit to inhabit a civilised society and ordered to be put under care. They managed to escape this time around. After treading through the country side for days, surviving on the kindness of a few drivers who pulled over to help, they had come across this isolated house in the wilderness.

They knew that they wouldn’t be accepted in any town or city and so they decided to live there. It was old but intact and the nearest town was only a couple of hours’ walk away. “I got some meat”, declared the husband, breaking her chain of thought. “Now clean it and cut it up while I light the fire.” She hurriedly took the sack from him and thrust her hand inside. It was still alive and started screaming as soon as he saw her. She cut through with one strong, precise swing with the knife, and the head of the boy rolled over the floor, spewing blood all over the place as it went. “Can’t you ever do it cleanly? I’ll have to clean the floor again!” he yelled. “I don’t like the screams. Why don’t you ever kill them yourself?” she retorted and began hacking the limbs off the severed body.

Don2: An honest review

2011-12-24T21:58:00.003+05:30

Perhaps I should start by telling you the emotions the movie evoked. Imagine a bright, sunny morning at the SCG. You've got the best seat in the house and you sit their, sipping on a tea or beer, watching a Sachin straight-drive. Now think of the equivalent of this pleasure in terms of pain and multiply it by 3 hours. That should pretty much describe how the movie will make you feel. We went in with low expectations but only after the movie did we realise as to why the Police in 11 countries is looking for him. All the citizens want their money back!!!

In the first scene, SRK tries to walk in with a swagger but comes across as a bad case of osteoporosis. It is just funny that the uncrowned king shows up himself to take a consignment. With the recession around and plenty of unemployed youth around, you'd wish he had hired a few to do the dirty job. At least that would save us the agony of watching SRK trying so hard to be the cool Don.

Hoping against hope, we were certain that the movie shall pick from there. It did, as Priyanka Chopra sizzled in her scenes looking every bit hot and delicious. But that seems to be the only upside to the 3 hour long torture. But she also provides lessons in manipulations as she fires orders at her colleague, making him do the clerical work but takes all the credit herself. That poor chap seems to have a thing for her but with his zombie-like expression, it is tough to tell whether he is scared, angry or concerned.

Boman Irani, who seemed to match Don's wits in the 1st movie, is made to look like a complete fool as SRK breaks away from the jail in which he's been rotting for 5 years. I think the jail food hadn't been all that good for his IQ. The scene in which he questions Lara Dutta's ability could be likened to the Opposition's questions to Rahul Gandhi; we keep expecting a witty response but none arrives. To top it all, I present you Kunal Kapoor, a genius hacker who has impregnated a woman without any source of income. I'd like to visit the country where women are ready to hook up with unemployed youth.

When it comes to the action sequences, the less we talk about, the better. Personally, I have never understood the reason behind a car chase. Even you manage to outpace the escapee, you can't force him out of the car because you won the race and banging your car in to his is plain stupid. But that's another story for another day. The point here is, a car chase has never made me yawn, until now. And the underworld seriously needs to get its act together if SRK can beat up those thugs with bare hands, however unconvincingly.

The dialogues and those one-liners are the best part. Looks like there was a holiday discount on defective dialogues and all the characters shopped to their heart's fill. Some of them are so bad that they come around all the way to be good again. In one particular scene Boman Irani asks SRK if he can ask him a question. SRK quips; "no". It used to be funny when I was 10 but the movie unfortunately, is 15 years late.

All this, only until the first half and a bit. I'm sure the latter half too deserves to be written about but fortunately for yours truly, he could not bear the torture and passed out for the better part of it.

PS: As we left the movie hall, plenty of scathing comments were tossed about. My favorite: "Amitabh should file a defamation case against SRK for ruining Don."

To add a li'l spice

2011-11-18T01:03:00.000+05:30

T-20 is hurting cricket. Ravi Shastri and Ramiz Raja, more so. We need technically sound batsmen and persistent bowlers for the survival of Test cricket. To regenerate interest in the ball-by-ball detail, we need someone who can call a shot something other than a tracer bullet. I long for the day when a really irritable cricketer comes to fore and makes the game and the equally long post-match proceedings a bit entertaining. I hope the Messiah arrives soon to defeat the devil called Danny Morrison and delivers us from those boring to the point of suicide inducing post match ceremonies. In fact, I have day-dreamt it so many times that I have a script of that hour of reckoning. In my imaginations, this is how it goes:

I: Congratulations. You played a great knock today when your team was reeling at 18/3 in 5 overs.
C: Gee thanks. I didn't know the score when I walked in. Next time, I'll call you up to tell me.

I: So your team was under a lot of pressure when you walked in.
C: To tell you the truth, I was cursing those 3 morons who threw away their wickets and forced me to come in. At that point, I was talking to this real hot chick and had to break off the conversation mid-way.

I: Err... I mean cricket-wise.
C: Well nothing. Like I said, I didn't even know the score until you told me. I was just thinking to spend a few minutes, get out and resume my conversation with that chick and even tried that twice. But the fielding team cannot even catch a cold, let alone a catch.

I: And the way you got Sehwag out. Was it a plan?
C: Oh yes, why not. I bowled the full-toss precisely because I knew Sehwag will try to hammer it out of the park but will get an edge. Didn't work for the first 4 deliveries but worked the 5th time :D

I:So do you think 187 is a compatible total in this match.
C: No. Absolutely not. The way we are bowling and fielding, even you can score that much.

I:So you have any plans for SRT?
C: Actually we do. After every boundary he hits, the bowler will go near him and burst in to tears while the rest of the team will be praying hard. Hopefully, SRT's heart will melt and he will throw his wicket.

I: Why do you think you lost the match after coming so close to victory?
C: Oh you don't know??? I had fixed this match and had planned to get out after putting my team in a winning position. Next time, call me before the match and may be I could help you to make a few bucks.

I: Thank you, cricketer. It was a pleasure to speak to you.

C: Yes, now that you have had your pleasure, may I go back to that hot chick?

N. Srinivasan sets an example

2011-09-10T04:57:00.000+05:30

In the latest development over mismanagement of funds in IPL, N. Srinivasan, BCCI's president-elect has pleaded ignorance to all the wrong doings. In a statement to the parliament's standing committee, he declared, " "We were taken for a ride. I know we cannot plead before you that we did not know all this was happening. Your question would be, were you not vigilant? What did you do? I am sorry, sir, there is no defence for me. No defence in front of you. So, I am not pleading that [ignorance] at all. We just put our heads down."

Like a sympathetic school teacher who's been there, done that (and possibly much more), the standing committee is understood to have understood his situation and gave him a, errr..., standing ovation for his honesty.

Taking a leaf out of his IPL boss' book, MSD has admitted to having no idea about his own batting or the game at large. "I can't really pin point the problem on this tour. I admit it's all been happening under my nose, but I think the time has come to confess that I do not understand the game at all. I treat it as a stress-buster between my advertising assignments you see, a hobby, you might call it", declared Dhoni with a broad grin.

In a totally unrelated incident, the students from the most premiere technical institute from southern India staged a demonstration calling for an end to the undue burden resulting from hailing them as la crème du pays. "If we were so good, we would be working on tech-projects in stead of investing our time and the govt's grants in Counter-Strike, Dota, How I met your mother or IMDB top 100. Calling us technocrats deters the JP Morgans and Deustche Banks which offer us our dream jobs. I hereby appeal to the aspirants and the awed to quit touting us as the smartest technical brains and let us apply peacefully for jobs with fat pay-cheques and which involve complicating financial data even further and bear no correlation, whatsoever, to our graduation". Thus commented CKSR Janardan Reddy, a student of Electrical Engineering, who hopes to be the reason behind the next financial meltdown.

Hating the state

2011-09-08T04:14:00.004+05:30

A bomb blast today rocked the nation,

All we could hear was condemnation.

When an earthquake later shook the land,

Our mood still remained bland.

No concern for those who were hurt,

No remorse for those reduced to dirt.

Making statements is all the govt. does,

Even we are too busy updating an fb status.

The next bomb could be beside you or someone close,

Would you do the same if that one explodes?

The deceased reduced to jokes on the internet,

I'm sorry but I don't quite see the humanity in that.

I would rather see people full of hate.

hating the terrorists and hating the state.

People looking at the country with rage,

A rage deep enough to compel it to change.

A mere three weeks backs, united stood the nation,

Answering Anna's call against corruption.

The govt. is unwilling to fight terrorism too,

Is status updates all we can do?

Is he the next Gandhi?

2011-08-28T05:50:00.002+05:30

Technically, all articles should start with an introduction of the issue. It's 6 AM, I haven't slept the whole night and am justifiably devoid of the patience to delve in to the background. So if you don't know the background already, please don't waste your time here.

Like 'Team Anna' has been claiming, there are many similarities between the two. Both are fasting to achieve something which the govt. of their respective times reluctant to gift-wrap and present to them. Both had a strong resume of social services before catching the nation's imagination. While Anna turned a poor village in to a model one, Gandhi did something similar during the time he spent in South Africa. Both took the route of non-violence to make their voices heard. And finally, both managed to get the rulers agree to their demands.

Small aberration that Anna actually beat up the youth in Ralegan Siddhi to set them straight. Well, you cannot preach to the hungry. Hence the use of force is justifiable to my mind. Adding to that, nobody would change their way of life for a fasting stranger. He resorted to more civil ways once he got the support of masses. And now when the hour of reckoning arrives, Anna is the poster-boy of the civil society. Lesson in strategy here.

Moving on to the present, the devil of a govt. has relented, Anna has his way and everything is sunshine and roses for India. Hail the new Gandhi.

If only he was not so much like Gandhi or Gandhi was as perfect as he's made out to be. Let's not talk about the Lokpal Bill for the time being. It has already been scanned and dissected more that those poor frogs in biology classes. Let's talk about the Satyagrahi power.

Now Gandhi, during his time, was the ultimate decision-maker in India. I would go as far as saying that he was a dictator for the little amount of time he lived in independent India. Every bill the parliament passed, every resolution the govt. undertook had to receive a nod by him. And if he deemed it wrong or unfair, it wouldn't see the light of day.

Read history deep enough and you will find many fundamental blunders made by the state of India and quite a few originated from one man-Gandhi. In case the ministers protested, he would use his ultimate weapon - threat of a fast. That's how Pakistan got their 40 crores at the time of partition. He was the father of the nation and the big daddy of Congress.

Now this created problems back then, as it does now. Without doubting the integrity and intentions of either, it is highly improbable that one man, that too those with a deeply ingrained sense of fairness, can do what's best for a nation. A saint can never run a grocery shop.

Gandhi used to say "A Satyagrahi always knows the right way." And it was only he who could judge all the qualities, the IQ or the fashion sense of an ideal Satyagrahi. It is more or less the same story 60 years later. Anna decides the members of the Civil Society, the date of enforcement for the bill and even the content of the same. For argument's sake, let's suppose we give Team Anna a free hand for drafting the bill. Now say, Kejriwal disagrees with Anna on some parts of it. What next? I can bet my oversized, overweight arse that Anna will force him out of the committee or threaten to on another hunger strike.

Not judging the JLP, but it is disturbing that we let one man enjoy so much power and but still strip with joy, blowing the trumpet of being the largest democracy.

The Bill

2011-08-23T02:10:00.002+05:30

Before the respected Anna Hazare made that very public and widely publicised visit to Delhi, I had no clue about the Lokpal bill, like many others, I might add. He then staged a fast to get his voice heard and forced the government to include members of the 'civil' society in drafting the bill. The masses were behind him and he won.

The real problems arose when the government refused to accept some of his committee's suggestions to be included in the bill. (You could google for the major PoDs in the Jan Lokpal Bill, as it is popularly known, and the government's draft.) Angered by the government's lack of cooperation he and his team is up in arms against the high and mighty once again.

The bone of discontent seems to be the difference in scope of the two bills. The JLP tries to hold everyone, including the PM accountable while the government bill is content with being a watchdog for senior level officials. While I agree with the JLP on most issues, there are some points about the whole situation that worry me.

The first is sustainability. It is all based on the assumption that the members of the Lokpal committee will be clean as a whistle. In fact, the 1st committee might even be so just like the politicians in the 50s. But later on the power that the position grants them, is bound to corrupt some and may be all. Also, the assumption that the lokpal committee will be independent of political influence is far-fetched. It is India after all. Nothing is free from political influence here. And if the committee happens to be hand-in-glove with the government, it is as good as useless.

The other problem is the motive of the masses showing such solidarity. They are all against corruption no doubt but only when someone else does it. I don't think any of those supporters will think twice before greasing the palms of a traffic cops when they are caught jumping a signal. It is the always easier way out. To them, this is not a movement against corruption as such but only against the corrupt politicians. They are fine as long as the neighborhood ration-shop owner conveniently accepts gifts.

However, if I had a choice between the two, I'd always choose the JLP but with a humble request to Anna: Please bring in some regulations to ensure the incorruptibility of Lokpal members and please do not think Indians are as averse to corruption as is visible.

Dhoni decision unleashes a butterfly effect

2011-07-01T10:43:00.005+05:30

The bizzarre case of Dhoni being given out by a wrong replay has sparked yet another controversy. The BCCI issued yet another statement wherein Sharad Pawar confirmed that he's received reports of food grain rotting in the open and is looking in to the problem. When reminded by the press about the issue at hand, he quipped, "the best way to protest against a wrong replay is by commenting on a different problem."

The goof-up has initiated a new method of marketing called counter-marketing and some companies are working overtime to conceptualise a full-fledged ad campaign based on the idea. While Ambuja Cement has decided to use the bikini-clad JK Cement model to drive customers away from JK Cement and hence towards Ambuja, Vodafone has decided to do away with its Zoozoo and air Dhoni's Aircel ads in a bid to encroach upon Aircel's customer base.

Last night, the CIA busted an Al-Queda plan to air old video clippings of Osama bin Laden to bluff the world in to believing that he's still alive. Upon questioning, the tape handler confessed, "If a video clip can fool a 3rd umpire hired by WICA, it can surely fool the CIA, innit?"

Meanwhile, the widespread use of the concept has landed the involved parties in a tussle over copyright ownership. Gregory Brathwaite, the officiating 3rd umpire is owning up to full responsibilty for the mistake and demanding full right, citing it as an unfortunate and avoidable accident which has ultimately proven to be fortunate as well as unavoidable for the emancipation of cricket in general and mankind in particular. The TV broadcasting agency too has staked its claimed for the rights declaring that they have been doing committing similar errors for a while now by airing wrong advertisements and programs. When asked, a spokesman explained, "We have hired highly untrained and underpaid professionals specifically for this job as nobody watches our channel anyway."

MS Dhoni claimed to be the victim of the fiasco and demanded to be compensated by way of copyrights and declared that he wont rest while sipping martinis on Barbados beach. An extremely enthusiastic reporter managed to peep in to an SMS sent to Shashank Manohar by him and could read the following words: wrong... sad... money... arm twist... WICA...ICC, before being hoicked away in the air by Dhoni in an ugly manner.

In the ongoing ICC meet, a new rule has been drafted by which a batsman can be given out based on the evidence of a previous delivery. Following the news, Cricket Boards across the globe have engaged in a bidding war over video clippings of a teenaged Sachin and Warne in his prime.

To my fellow IITians

2011-05-09T17:32:00.004+05:30

A lot has been made of the recent suicide at IIT-M. As an alumnus, it really hurts to see the institute's name in the news for all the wrong reasons. It hurts even more when I see my friends squarely blaming it on the administration.

Yes. Someone took his own life. It is sad. But didn't we see 2-3 such cases and a few more attempts every year when we were there? Some were due to acads, some for not being able to get a good placement and some due to a failed love affair. How many times did we blame the administration back then? Deep down we always knew that it was a sad waste of life over something really not that important.

We wake up and start blaming the administration. Specially the remarks by the Dean. He is bad at PR, agreed. But that seems to inflame people more than the death itself. He screwed up alright but you cannot demand compassion. And frankly, for someone handling such cases every year, and a couple more attempts, compassion is a job hazard.

We blame the administration for being insensitive. But if his parents and closest friends did not get a hint of what was to come, how could the guys in administration know, to whom, he was just another student. It is all so easy to blame it on them because that takes the burden of truth off our shoulders. There is a so called guidance and counseling unit put together by the students whose priority job is to prevent such incidents. But the guys selected on the body are all due to political reasons and nobody cares enough to cleanse that up. Did the GCU take any blame for it? Has the GCU head offered to resign before asking the dean to do so? My guess is, he hasn't.

Too much academic pressure on students, we claim. Though I personally don't believe that, having graduated with a 7.5 without much effort but would we want the workload be reduced and result in quality dilution? The reason we cited to raise our voices against reservations. The U grades and extensions are part and parcel of the game and those are the reason we keep on our toes and put in just about enough effort to crawl to the dais on convocation.

The 'trend' of so many extensions handed out by one prof and 2 of those students taking their own lives is indeed worrisome and must be addressed but I have not seen the prof's name pop up even once in those endless threads on fb and e-mails. I feel we are aiming our guns in the wrong direction.

It would have been more relevant if the students had raised their voices against the administration when an unfortunate student lost his life on his birthday due to the sheer lethargy of medical staff. The 'admin' had the balls to blame it on birthday bumps. That was sad. And infuriating. Administration had failed there and did not take the blame. But we did nothing more than claiming condolences on facebook and gtalk. That was the time when the so called administration could have been shaken out out of its slumber. We missed it. And we retort when the fault lies more with us.

The Haunted Well

2011-05-06T03:28:00.003+05:30

Ghanshyam was among the few men in his village who could read and write. Belonging to a wealthy family, he was educated in Jaipur, a privilege few could afford in those times. Even fewer had justified the expenses borne by their families in sending off their son to the city for education. So he considered it a cruel act of fate when his father passed away and he, being the only man in the family, had to return home after his 1^st year in BA to take care of his mother and 2 sisters.

Upon return, he prospered as a landlord, his education and inheritance holding him in good stead. The villagers of Madot revered his intelligence and wealth and frequently sake his advice in matters of money and family. As he was now the wealthiest and, as some would have him believe, the wisest man in the community he was confident that he would become the representative of his community in the next village Panchayat. Hence, he was in for a rude shock when his community elders, including some of his relatives, favored Meghram over him.

In stead of making his disgust evident, he decided to dig deeper and find out the reason for this injustice. For the next 6 months, he coaxed and cajoled his close ones in to admitting the real reason for the raw deal he got. Saying that he was dumbfounded would be an understatement. He concluded that he wasn’t chosen, partly because he had spent his formative years in the city and not in the village and whose deep rooted issues and beliefs he would never comprehend. The same village, whose problems he so easily understood and solved. But those were the times when anything foreign was treated with cynicism and suspicion. He was just a smart man to the villagers with no real say in the way they functioned.

The major reason, but, was the fact that he did not believe in spirits, so much so that he had not organized a single barsi for his late father. The pain of losing a parent and then altering your life’s plans may affect some people such. But for the villagers, this was blasphemous and unthinkable.

Ghanshyam, being the man he was, decided not to bow down to the pressure but in stead prove to the villagers that no such thing as ghosts or spirits existed. He was convinced that if he could convince the villagers of this, they would not be averse to supporting him as a representative in the Panchayat.

He, being a methodical man, came out with the perfect plan to convince the villagers. Just outside Madot, there was a dried up well, inside the cemetery boundary wall. The people of the village were of the belief that any man, once cremated, resided in the well until Chitragupta worked out his deeds and ordered his carriage to either heaven or hell. Needless to add, people were scared of going near the well alone even in broad daylight as every now and then, someone would claim to have heard strange voices coming out of it.

Ghanshyam’s plan was simple. He would go to the well on a moonless night, spend an hour there, and return to the village. If he did return safely, his community would be bound to endorse him as a Panch over Meghram. To prove that he had actually visited the well, he would hammer a nail in the wall covering the well. So strong was his belief that he turned a deaf ear to his well-wishers’ advices, pleading sisters and a weeping mother and patiently waited for Amavas.

On the night of reckoning, he left the village when the clock struck 12, promising to return after an hour. As he walked to the cemetery, he laughed to himself when he heard multiple chants and prayers for his well being.

The villagers waited with baited breath for his return as time went past.By 2 o’ clock, his mother could not bear it and began bellowing while the sisters consoled her. By 3.30, even Ghanshayam’s sisters could not hold it any longer and started hollering, fearing the worst. By 4.30, the whole village was in frenzy, with the elders collecting in the temple and praying as the youngsters formed search parties to begin looking for him with the first ray of sun. The bravest of the youngsters, armed with totems, rushed to well, praying more for their safety than Ghanshyam’s.

They found Ghanshyam’s body sprawled by the well, with one hand strongly clasped on his Dhoti. His mouth was wide open and his eyes were about to pop out. The face had a look of such horror, as if he had seen a ghost. The priest insisted on first persuading the ghost to leave the body before allowing it to be cremated, costing Ghanshyam’s family a fortune.

The tragedy was nothing but another anecdote in the list of reasons cited by the villagers to keep away from the well. And oh, the old man who told me this story swears that he saw Ghanshyam’s dhoti stuck in the nail which Ghanshyam had hammered in the wall but nobody believed him as he was only 8 at that time.

*For all you morons who have a low IQ and didn't understand the last bit but are too proud to admit it, here's the logic:

Ghanshyam's dhoti got stuck in the nail and when he turned around to leave, he felt his dhoti being pulled. Fearing the worst, he died of shock.

Intern Diaries

2011-05-05T02:54:00.003+05:30

The 1st day in Hyderabad began with n excellent breakfast at the guest house and then rushing to office. As in most corporate, the first half involved lots of lectures on which we, poor interns gave up half way as the senior management rattled on about ideas, principles and policies. After a very spicy Andhra lunch, enter my guide. A man who commands authority or is scary, depending on your perspective. But one thing was clear; you could not rub him the wrong way. He draws a 6 day schedule and sends me off to the on-field man.

From the next day, I was commuting between retail stores across the city sitting on the back seat of a scooter. The guy would go in the store, clean up and arrange the stock, while I’d hunt for relevant people to speak to. In between we’d take a break to have something selling by the road. I’d eat with him despite knowing that the food will upset my already weak stomach for the sake of blending in. I am told that this way, they share more info with you than they otherwise would. With time, the luxury of a scooter and a city guide disappeared and I was moving around and hunting on my own. Day after day, I seek to get lost in the sea of customers and try to observe and conduct interviews without the store authorities noticing.

Visits to office are so rare I still haven’t been able to button for tea in the office vending machine. The tea I need to relax before facing my boss, who gives me the hibberly-jibberlies every time I meet him. Not that he’s evil. In fact he’s very supportive and helpful but sometimes he’s just… scary. It didn’t help that he once yells on the phone at someone so loudly that everyone and everything in the office froze for an hour. Well, it felt like an hour.

My workload and degree of difficulty increases with every meeting and I keep insinuating that this time, it might not be possible to accomplish everything. He just asks me to try my best and somehow I have managed it till date. My mid-term review beckons now and with that, a few deliverables which seem impossible this time. I can just cross my fingers and hope that he lets it pass.

On the other end, life is a collage of colours after 5 PM, thanks to old friends and the 2008 alumni bunch. It all started the 1st day itself when Arnab invited me to celebrate his promotion. Within minutes of meeting, he had decided that I’ll move in with him and to Nanda’s place after a week without even asking me. For my 1st week, when I was living in the company guest house, I didn’t have dinner there even once despite the caretaker being a good cook, thanks to Arnab, Nanda and Neha.

The trend continued once I moved in with Auni and then with Nanda. In my 3 weeks in Hyderabad, I have been to HRC, an IPL match, 5 movies, a club’s launch party and Char Minar with these guys, not to mention the countless parties at home. I also have had the famous Biryani at Paradise and the awesome lunch served at 10 Downing Street on my own.

Such stays are not without their share of incidents and memories worthy to be reminisced upon on a later date. Hence, I admit to be politely asked to leave two retail stores as I roamed around the stores for over two hours without showing any interest in actually purchasing something. And then there was the vintage Robby act who just would not let Arnab leave and threw such a tantrum that Arnab relented and stayed back for a half hour even though he was getting late for his packing and his flight. And when Arnab was finally leaving, he went to the ground floor barefoot to see him off and took 15 mins to return to the apartment, in an elevator. Nobody knows how.

Personally as well as professionally, much has been done and more remains to be done. My project is not even halfway through and I am to implement a pilot before I leave, which doesn’t sound easy at all. I am yet to visit Golconda fort, Chaumahala Palace and Saler Jung Museum. There are friends to catch up with from graduation and school days. Friends, who will follow and terminate me if I leave without meeting with. And then there are the epic Nanda jokes to be chronicled and a Robby to control. (The last job spans the whole duration of my MBA.)

I don’t know how much I will accomplish during my stay here but it is certain that the memories will be pleasant and the intern educative.

The Missed Messages

2011-05-01T16:01:00.002+05:30

Movies are a modern day wonder. We enjoy one, we learn from one, are inspired by one, or just kill time with one. Well, I usually pull my hair in frustration when stuck with one. But then, we do not completely comprehend everything we watch or read. Well, you, not me. So, for the enlightenment of lesser mortals, I have prepared a small list of the movies in which you missed out on the real message:

1. Inglorious Basterds - French chicks have bigger balls than the best of US soldiers

2. The boy in striped pajamas - Jews are sadists. The Jewish kid was going to die anyway... Did he pull in the other kid just for kicks?

3. Flags of our fathers - never send sissies to the front. They will only embarrass the country later.

4. X men - Nobody.makes.Fun.of.wolverine.Nobody.

5. Avatar - in the future, men may find 8 feet tall, blue skinned aliens hotter than chicks..

6. Rocky - a long retired, 50 yrs old boxer can make mincemeat of today's best... Something is seriously wrong with our generation.

7. Dev D – Forget your childhood sweetheart. A whore will love you more.

8. Forrest Gump: Even the retarded may strike wealth. Be nice to them.

9. Gran Torino: If you want your dad’s money, be good to him. If you are not, someone else will be.

10. Fight Club: The movie laughed at us you fool, just like I am at this very moment. "Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments?"

A letter to a Prof.

2011-03-30T01:26:00.005+05:30

Professor Chakraborty,
Foculty,
Operations Management,
IMT Ghaziabad,
Rojnagar,
Ghoziabad

Sub: Onticipatory potition against the toghness of tomorrow's exam in view of the contemporary social and cultural environment

Dear Sir,

As you know, tomorrow is the mother-of-all closhes in the World Cup. In case you do not already know, I am dolighted to infarm you that India hab reached the semi-phinal of the on going Cricket World Cup and sholl be playing against sworn rivals Pakistan in Mohali tomorrow. Needless to add that the bhinner will proceed to the finals.

As a professor of Operations Management, I am sure you realise the grovity of the situation. I wish to add that tomorrow has been declared holf day in most compaanies across India, including US MNCs. (We didn't even need a strike to achieve that).Else, the amount of obsenteeism would have created an operational nightmare for managors like me who phinish their MBAs remaining grossly untrained and ignorant of the discipline.

Extrapolating the same logic, I assure you that none of my friends shall stady for the exam either, as I only befriend peepul who are cricket lovers. Only those without a shrod of patriotism in them sholl lock themselves up and crom for the exam. If taaph koschen is cooming, it will simply dibhide the test-takors in two categories. The majority with a big, bold 'O' gaping from their onswer sheets and an unpatriotic, capitolist minority who shall score some marks. Tell me sir, bhat is more impotent. Bhatching a Sachin (sorry, Dada retired a bhile back) straight drive reaching the boundory or scoring 10 marks in the eggjaaam.

I should omphasise that this is a dangerooos situatooon as it bhill create a class divide with the nationalists losing out to anti-national forces. Surely you cannot let that happen. Moreover, you being a Bengali should give the hard workers and the slockers equal opportunity and marks.

PS: We shall go on a strike if our demands our not met, Bengal style.

Thonkfully yours,
Ashutosh Bihani,
Cricket lover and accidental MBA

Adios, O' Fiendish Genius

2011-03-25T02:48:00.003+05:30

I should perhaps begin by saying that I liked you. I liked you because you were a genius at your profession. The aggression, the grit, the skill and above all the bloody-mindedness were all in place. You decimated the opposition to pieces and robbed them of any self-belief they might possess. Steve Waugh, the greatest captain I have seen, prophesied that you shall be the best batsman for the past decade. His 'Aussiness' prevented him from adding the words 'next to Sachin' but we all knew that, didn't we?

I admired your class and the practice of taking on the best bowler of the opposition to stamp your authority. Down the years, you became the captain of the Aussie juggernaut and I admired you for being such a wonderful captain. I didn't hate you when each of the billion of us were at least dejected in '03 because of you. I even spared a thought for you and the very likable Brett Lee in the greatest Ashes Series ever.

But then, something changed. As the battle-hardened heroes set in to the sunset, they exposed a gray side of a genius which was, until then so effectively hidden behind the camouflage of a utopia where no pressure existed. To begin with, that team you lead was a as perfect a machine as their could be, in which, every cog and lever knew its function and performed it with precision. Once the old parts wore off, it became clear that you were not half the machine operator everyone thought of you to be. Your tactics ranged from intelligent to reckless, sometimes even flirting with selfishness and stupidity. (Think the time when Dhoni and Bhajji added quick 70 odd runs when Ponting bowled part timers, to get on with the time and save 'banned' from being stamped on his ass for the next match). More generally, recall his face when he loses from a tight situation. It is neither remorse, nor dejection. It is anger, frustration and above all, bewilderment. It screams a loss of control over the proceedings. Not done. Not done at all.

Such incidents can, however, only lessen respect but cannot generate negativity. That is generated by unfair, ungentlemanly acts. Of which, you have committed plenty. Sledging, pressuring the umpire and lying were, and are, simply part of the game for you. But then, this game is called the gentleman's game for a reason. Instances of dishonesty which are simply overlooked in other sports, are not taken lightly in this one. Such moments can be found aplenty in your career. (pointing out such instances is pointless)

You are a true great of the game and no one could deny you that. But with this greatness, did come some responsibility. You were to be an ambassador of the game, a mentor to your team mates and a role-model to the youngsters. Sadly, you failed here. You were arrogant, abusive and, to put it rudely, a cheat. While Sachin walks, Kallis takes the fielder's word on a catch, you insult the game by claiming grassed catches. I pray that the next generation of cricketers do not idolise you or the cricket field will turn in to a zoo with players jumping up and down like orangutans, the way Watson did on Gayle's face after getting him out.

I think I have made my point here. On a parting note, I am happy that you ended your illustrious WC journey with a century. Partly because it is befitting but mainly because the hurt of a gritty, memorable century in a losing cause will compensate a bit for the heartburns you have inflicted on cricket and its fans with your behavior.

Adios, O' fiendish genius!!!

Stronger

2010-12-24T04:20:00.002+05:30

I know you are disappointed,
You won't admit but you are hurt,
you were and will always be good,
No child's play, all that effort

The hard work doesn't matter,
Life seems to be unfair,
There is no gratification.
Unlikely that anyone will care.

Just draw the good from it,
leave the ugly alone.
The hard work means experience,
Rest all is only bygone

Take what you need to take,
the motive was to learn.
don't let anything change it,
'cos experince is what you earn.

A day will come in life,
when things are all set right.
Darkness will simmer to nothingness,
giving way to a new light.

When that stage is reached,
You will laugh at all this.
you will remember these days
and it will be sans any malice

Time gone by is always good,
not something to resent.
The mistakes made back then,
Help form the present.

So when bad comes knocking by, streaming in,
Focus hard, don't let your mind wander.
'Cos what doesn't kill you,
only makes you stronger.

Shallow words

2010-10-24T01:12:00.007+05:30

Why do you always dig deeper,
when there's nothing to find.
Stop reading between the lines,
there ain't deeper meanings behind.

Please don't stress yourself,
Spare your pretty brain the grind.
My words mean nothing at all,
they're there because they rhymed.

I do poke people with words,
as if it were a sword I wield.
But I don't hide behind them,
never use them like a shield.

It is fine if you do not understand,
let slip a pun that was intended.
But you make me wince in pain,
when you accept what wasn't presented.

If you expect mountains of ideas,
you should go look else somewhere.
Even this rhyme ain't no deep ocean,
I wrote it because I had time to spare.

It is amusing to think though,
when you find layers that don't exist.
What if I wrote my heart out?
Will you ever comprehend the gist?

Learning Communication

2010-09-16T02:52:00.002+05:30

Dear Pain in the Rear,
Our association so far has been fruitful but I'm afraid that we both need to make some extra effort to realize its optimum potential. Fr that reason, please find attached a 2 ft, oak wood stick, designed specially to relieve you of your itch in the rear by simply inserting it through the said part. I'm sure u will find much comfort in doing so. And the knowledge of you having followed my advice will give me immense pleasure. Hence, in our mutual interest I sincerely request u to try it once. Looking forward to your response
Yours truly
,!,,

Cute Rhyme

2010-07-30T01:18:00.000+05:30

A 3rd Std. kid wrote this:

White colour ki dress pehenke hum lagte kitne achhe,
School lagta hai poultry farm aur hum lagte murgi ke bacche!!!

Fawesome...

I AM

2010-07-25T02:31:00.006+05:30

I am a still, serene lake,

I am the raging ocean.

I am the black sheep,

I am the favorite son.

I am the decaying old tree.

I am the first leaves of spring.

I am a timid rabbit,

I am the jungle king.

I am the gloomy, grey sky.

I am the morning sunshine.

I am the fear of death,

I am life pristine.

I am the stench of rotting remains,

I am the first raindrops on sand

I am the burden of past behind,

I am the hope of future ahead.

I am the horror of rape,

I am the joy of a newborn.

I am the shackles of slavery,

I am the flight of freedom.

I am the definition of mediocrity.

I am the epitome of excellence.

I am not what you see,

I am what I want to be.

A cute li'l devil

2010-07-11T05:05:00.011+05:30

Hi. I am Aifarya , his youngest cousin. Ashu bhaiyya claims that I am the cutest kid he knows and keeps only my pics as his phone wallpaper but he is wrong. I AM THE CUTEST KID EVER. But lately, he has been alleging that I am not that cute anymore and have become annoying. Fat chance. I am still as cute and will remain so throughout my life. Don't believe me? Just look at the pics.

Back to present. Bhaiyya is a little cold, dozing off in the AC and orders me to get him a sheet which I obediently do. Now he is sleeping so peacefully and I am bored. He should be entertaining me, right? After all, I got him the sheet and I am so cute.

So I pull off the sheet and make him an offer. Either pay me 20 bucks or get his own sheet. Being the stingy and lazy marwadi that he is, he refuses to do either and fights with me over the sheet. :(
I am only a 7 years old kid. What am i supposed to do? So I relent, give him the sheet and go sobbing to grandpa. That should teach him a lesson. But grandpa laughs it off. Hello... Why aren't people listening to me despite the cuteness and being the youngest of my generation?

Later in the day, I sell him Adi bhai's CDs (worth Rs. 100)for Rs. 20. Now Adi is furious at me and Ashu bhai wants Rs. 50 for the CDs. How am I supposed to get the money? So I again try my Modus Operandi and go sobbing to grandpa asking him to pay Ashu bhaiyya and get the CDs back. Grandpa again laughs it off. What happened to the cuteness quotient?

I had to flick the CDs subsequently. That jerk of a bro.

I wrote this just to let you know that he is as big a sadist inside as he is on the outside.
Beware!!! And don't go prodding him, trying to find a heart.

My Personal Hippies

2010-06-28T22:47:00.004+05:30

I was on the road, lonely and alone
Pitiful were my days, my evenings forlorn.
A barren road lay stretched behind and ahead,
I wouldn’t even know the direction, but for my footprints on the sand.

The sun shone bright, always at high noon,
Never saw any clouds, or the stars and the moon.
I was destined to trudge the infinite path,
Was not to halt, rest or even catch my breath.

One morning, with the sun still at mid-day,
I said to myself, “I’d do something better, if I may”
I repeated the same at noon and then in the evening,
But nothing changed and my hopes were diminishing.

As darkness approached and I prepared to stop,
A shrill scream from the right gave me a jolt.
Turning in the direction of the sound,
I spotted a bunch of hippies with joy unbound.

They were eagerly calling to me by my name,
As if I were an artist courting popularity and fame.
Their excitement grew watching me approach,
The screams too went up a few notch.

They warmly welcomed me to the group,
Treating me to delectable food.
Despite the curiosity, the music all around helped me cheer,
And later in the night, they told me who they were.

This was my personal group of hippies I was told,
People who I had met on the path, in days of old.
As I got to know more and more,
I realized all this had happened before.

Whenever I was dejected and ready to quit,
They would pick me up and put me back on my feet.
There was more to it, this being only part of the rhyme,
I too was their hippy as they were mine.

I too sing for them and dance to tunes,
When they are stuck in their sand dunes.
When day breaks, the celebrations end and we move on,
And you find yourself on the road again, walking alone.

This morn too, the road remained the same and so did the sun,
But I was a different man after the night of frolic and fun.
Brisk was my walk and my stride long,
Joy in my heart and on my lips was my ‘Personal Hippy Song’.

- To Sajal and Satyan, on their Birthday

Kuch bhool gaya, Kuch choot gaya

2010-05-27T17:20:00.010+05:30

Fir Ek sooraj ast hua,
fir ek din toot gaya
Itne kaaj niptaye aaj,
par lagta hai kuch choot gaya

Dekha tha ek sapna maine,
ab to wo bhi toot gaya...
vyast hua itna jeevan mein,
ki shayad jeena hi choot gaya...

Armaanon ka gubbara tha ek,
ab to vo bhi foot gaya...
Kuch bikhre armaan dhoondh liye,
ek pulinda choot gaya...

Jiski karta hun roz archana,
vo patthar bhi mujhse rooth gaya...
Ujaale mein tha bahut bharosa,
andhere mein vo bhi toot gaya....

Har saanjh lagta hai aise,
kuch bhool gaya, kuch choot gaya...
Fir har subah bhulata hun usko,
jo bhool gaya jo choot gaya...

"Hazaaron khwahishein aisi, ki har khwahish pe dum nikle...
bahut nikle mere armaan lekin fir bhi kam nikle
Khuda ke waaste, parda na kaaba se , utha zaalim
kahin aisa na ho yahan bhi , wahi kaafir sanam nikle"
- Ghalib

Weak Pak, Strong Pak

2010-05-24T18:59:00.002+05:30

A friend of mine wrote a blog about our relations with Pakistan and what should India's future goals in this regard be. And he sums them up with this:

"Lets face the facts, a weak Pakistan is very much in our interest. For three decades after the liberation of Bangladesh, Pakistan was weak enough to not bother India. At the same time, we should try everything we can to enhance good relations with other neighbours like Sri Lanka and Nepal. Two hostile neighbours is more than enough. It is to the distinct advantage of the big power nations to preserve Indo-Pak balance of power and it is high time India looks out for its own interests. Peace is what is ultimately desired and we’ve tried enough times to achieve peace without bloodshed. If it takes war to achieve lasting peace, so be it."

It is of course clearer and more informative than any of mine but I still have some couter arguments for him and others with similar opinion.

To begin with, I don't agree that in this age, peace can only be achieved through war. US and Europe have hardly reached the levels of pre 9/11 calm and the threats have only increased after laying Afghanistan and Iraq to dust. The religious leaders in Middle East have now found a common enemy to attack and 'inspire' the youth which was perhaps slipping away. The latest terror-attemptee felt "US threatened Islam."

Coming back to India v/s Pak. Well we might go to war or weaken the nation covertly. But is a chaotic Pak better than a managed one? To begin with, the Taliban is hurting Pak too and that is essentially because of weak leadership. And in that environment what if, God forbid, The BOMB falls in to Taliban's hands? They are not going to think twice before dropping it. I doubt if the deterrence logic will work with them.

Is it a coincidence that the bomb blasts increased in India after Musharraf quit? I know that Musharraf was the man behind Kargil but what would you rather have? Military insurgency or Mumbai 7/11? The attacks happened because the army and ISI lost control of their own home-grown Jehadis who were earlier building bases on Tiger Hills under clear orders. Plus, a stronger leadership is more likely to move them towards development and education than a weaker state. It is a general rule that the dissatisfied youth rebels while the better-off stay aloof.

Moving on, India may or not decide to support the Baloch's right to self determination simply because we can never pressurise Pakistan. It will only distort our shambolic relations more and neither are the Baloch going to be grateful. Think of Bangladesh here. We played a big role in freeing them but they only have contempt for the Big Brother of the sub continent.

So I think we should take measures to build our own security and intelligence and make efforts to build a more lawful Pakistan. Even Chanakya, although endorsing war, was in favor of strong neighbors as chaos has a habit of spilling over.

PS: We are also incapable of terrorist activities against another nation as our dissatisfied youth can find multiple enemies in this multicultural nation itself.

Bizzare Bihanis

Cousin(in the car): Why aren't belts compulsory here. Even in Jaipur they are.

Ashtung: Because people wear tight pants here

Lagaan - A Match Report

2010-05-03T14:57:00.004+05:30

The match started on a bright sunny morning and a clear blue sky, without a hint of rain or clouds, in the middle of monsoons, which was actually the reason for the match to be staged in the 1st place. The atmosphere was delightful with the entire province turning up for the match to cheer the home team. Their uniformly white attire which matched the visitors' colors, may have sent a wrong message about their loyalties towards the visitors. The different stands of service provided by the ground staff was appalling as the general public was not allowed placards, food items or even water bottles, while the visitors' guests could comfortably smoke a cigar in the pavilion. So much for atithi devo bhava.

Capt. Russell of England won the toss and adhering to conventional wisdom, elected to bat first. The Indian captain, taking a leaf out of the IPL, opted to open with a spinner, in a Test Match. No prizes for guessing who was sent on a leather chase. Later in the day, the home team unleashed an unconventional bowler who rotated his arm 10 times before bowling. Doubt if his shoulder can withstand the wear and tear for more than 2 years in the international circuit. In spite of the dedication displayed by the home team, England took the honours for the day.

Late at night, the Indian team were spotted visiting the temple with their supporters seeking a divine intervention which came a while later. It was reported that one of the team members, who was in love with the Indian captain's arm-candy was accused of conspiring with the opposition captain and fixing the match result. While links with bookies are being investigated, he was allowed to continue in the match as the hearing was pending with ICC.

Day 2 belonged to India as they cleaned up the tail easily as Kachra found some help from the track and managed a hat-trick, eliciting fears of the track cracking on the final day. This was, however a false alarm as the track behaved true and accommodated, supported and even cheered cross-batted shots from the whole Indian batting line-up. Shots, which wouldn't last an over outside the subcontinent and their inadequate technique was exploited by the mean English pacer with a Merv Hughes beard when he hit Lakha on the head with a vicious bouncer.

Although India scored at a healthy rate, the fall of wickets at regular intervals meant the English were always ahead. It took an injured Ismail, a no-ball in the final delivery and a last ball DLF Maximum to see India home. In a typical IPL fashion, the captain received a Zintaesque hug from the main cheerleader as supporters cheered around him and the rain gods finally let go after holding their bladder for 3 days.

This was a match that will be remembered through ages for various reasons; the underdogs beat the favorites on their debut, India held their nerve in crunch situations, the last-ball finish, and above all, for the big prize money worth 3 years of Lagaan.

Post Match, speculations were rife regarding the nationality of the visitors. While their on-field sledging suggested Aussie roots, their failure to contain Bhuvan and remove Kachra in the last over left no doubt over their SA origin, although they kept swearing their loyalty to the Queen. Turns out that ECB hiring Saffers is a century old concept after all.

A special mention should be made of the sole commentator who stuck to his job of announcing the score without sounding foolish, a welcome relief after the crass Danny Morrison we witnessed during the IPL.

A Letter to Ramiz Raja

2010-04-04T19:35:00.006+05:30

Dear Ramiz,

For years I have tolerated your ubiquitous presence at any post-match presentation ceremony or in the commentary box. I have cringed at your 80s hair-style, wondering if you actually realised that the hairdo, as well as you, were way past your popularity peak. While your command over the Queen's language made me doubt your nationality, the on-the-brink-of-crying voice during Pakistan's defeats confirmed it.

Even as a kid, your post match interviews either made me belch or laugh, depending upon the match's outcome and my mood. You however, managed to keep them senseless and directionless with a bloody minded persistence. And every time you uttered the word 'tremendous' more than thrice in a minute, I swore to God to torture you to a recording of that single word, played over and over again, until that was the only word you could speak. But the next second I used to remind myself that that would be redundant. And just when our relationship had hit rock bottom, you went ahead and started digging the bottom by doing this.

But isn't life funny? You ask why. Because I miss you. I miss your directionless remarks because they were at least cricket. I miss you because of the new presentation team in IPL. True, you sucked at it, but you sucked at it with the authority. Albeit, the authority of an ordinary and somewhat experienced ex-cricketer, but some authority nevertheless. Unlike the bunch of nincompoops who don't have any knowledge either of cricket and (hopefully) of what they are saying. Well, if they did really know what they were saying and still said it, they should be sent on a political and media exile to the US for being so dumb.

True, you are biased against India and are miserable when India wins. But here, any time winning would be Indian so you will always be miserable, unlike the partial Sunny who roots shamelessly for MI. To be honest, I'd enjoy that more than Sunny going hero-worshipping over a Sachin single. Between you and me, I also hate Sunny getting all poetic about the moon when showing off his GK on MRF and it's horrible offspring, the blimp.

To put things in perspective, if you were to be part of IPL, I doubt if I'd feel like breaking the TV any less than I do now. But at least I'll not feel ashamed of my fellow countrymen and feel like migrating to Bangladesh every time I wake up in the morning and will be able to blame it on Pakistan. Hence, dear Ramiz, please write a letter, or e-mail, or tweet, or court summon, to Mr. Modi, his assistant or his peon, depending upon your approach inside his office and offer yourself as Pakistan's gift to Indian cricket, in lieu of Sania Mirza. I am sure he will comply.

A Cricket Lover

Interesting IPL

2010-03-24T14:24:00.004+05:30

IPL is supposed to be a region-based franchisee playing a game of youngsters, where, incidentally, it's the veterans flourishing. Some observations:

RR is perhaps the only franchisee which has a quota for the old, physically challenged and the downtrodden. To elaborate, Martyn is way past his prime and Smith's fingers are always susceptible these days, but they still play ahead of so many others. The weak and under-nourished frames of all the local players (Asnodkar, Trivedi to name a few) explains the underprivileged quota.

The franchisee of the most regionally staunch state has imported the captain from Jharkhand. It also has arguably the biggest man hitting it with, unarguably, the smallest bat.

The 'Deccan' Chargers have Cuttack, Orrisa as the home venue. They also have VVS opening the innings.

Mallya has turned the RCB players in to a walking advert of every single liquor sold by him. Look closely, their helmet screams "White Mischief".

Can't poke at MI. It's captained by SRT.

Ganguly took a catch way better than anything he had snapped in his entire career. Talk about late bloomers.

DD has Mcgrath and Dilshan on the bench. Am I in the same universe?

Modi actually found someone to sponsor the absence of cricket (time-outs).

And here's the killer: The closest thing to a Sardar in Punjab's squad is Sreesanth.

And then there are the not-so-interesting things: DLF Maximum, Karbonn Kamaal catch, injuries, Angad Bedi (in stead of Mandira), Samir Kochhar, Ravi Shastri, Danny Morrison, Ashish Nehra... sigh...

RR Tragedy

2010-03-19T17:30:00.005+05:30

I am sick of the IPL.

I love cricket and IPL but only when India and RR respectively are winning (Although I don't mind India winning the IPL or the RR winning a Test-match for that matter). But RR have now hit rock-bottom and I am glad I didn't go to watch the RR v/s RCB live last night. I'm sure I would have ended up in a Police Station on charges of assaulting Lumb or Martyn. I know my anger should be directed at those who bought them. But Warne got us the cup first up and Shilpa Shetty is ummm, well, Shilpa Shetty.

It all started with the typical 'bania' strategy they applied during the auction. Buying fringe-players cheaply worked once. But it did not in SA and doesn't seem to be working now. Add to that Smith's fingers. Dude, what's up with those. Seems like God decided to have a laugh by replacing a bull's horns with carrots. Not cool. Please take good care of them. Shilpa Shetty can advise you on the finer nuances of a manicure.

Then there's the not-so-curious, but sad enough case of Jadeja. He has now successfully proved that he's equally bad at switching franchisees as he is at switching ends while batting. Apart from an unconvincing win the other night, things look quite dismal for RR, unless...

Unless. That's the word the hopelessly optimistic (notice the oxymoron?) RR fan in me keeps muttering. Unless the team regroups. Unless Martyn sheds the artistry of a young Martyn and plays like an old Kallis. Unless Shaun Tait plays starts bowling like Maurice Tate. Unless Pathan remains Pathan in every match. Unless the shrewd Warney is 'setting-up' the other teams in to complacency and will bowl them around, over and between the legs now.

PS: Saturday's win gave me some hope but it's still a long way to go.

Fuzzy Logic??

2010-03-19T11:31:00.006+05:30

I was tagged. So here it goes...

Why is the sky blue?

The sky - birds fly in the sky.

Birds - Birds lay eggs.

Eggs - I hope RR detractors end up with eggs on their respective faces.

RR - RR is partly owned by Shilpa Shetty.

Shilpa Shetty - oooohhhhh.

Ooooohhhh - It's the antonym of arrrghhh...

Arrrghhh - Biotechnology

Biotechnology - It's been called the next big thing for the past decade now.

Decade - India has a population census once every decade.

India - India's sports uniform is blue.

And hence, my dear friend, the sky is blue... Phew..

PS: If you read it, consider yourself tagged.. It's interesting

That special someone

2010-03-12T14:08:00.003+05:30

If you think you are sad, pathetic and lonely, so much so that no body remembers your birthday, think again. There is someone who will. And that someone always remembers, without fail. Someone who doesn't have to rely on Orkut or Fb to do that.

That special someone doesn't even expect you to remember his in return. In fact, it knows you don't and doesn't complain about it, but never forgets yours and never asks for a treat either. And the ungrateful people we are, we take it for granted all the time. Even if we trust it to keep safe one of the most important things in our lives. Money.

Yes fellas, I am talking about your bank. Only people who never forget.

PS: Dont get me wrong guys. I am not a 12 years old girl, or a 25 years old one for that matter. I thank those who wished and doesn't matter if you didn't. Just an observation.

Parliament behavior 101

2010-03-08T16:46:00.006+05:30

They say that most great wars have been fought over women... It is true for India at least, with the one going on in the parliament right now...

I am sure these monkeys are trained by their respective party's more experienced monkeys before letting them mingle with monkeys from other parties. Some of the points the training stresses upon as I imagine:

1. Wear a kurta - a shirt gives the impression that you are educated. Something you certainly don't want to portray

2. Your verbal reaction towards the budget solely depends on your loyalties and not on your understanding of finance. For instance:

Ruling MP: The budget is good. Projections for fiscal deficit are double than last year

Opposition MP: Fiscal deficit rose because of my party's policies. You people blundered big time by not focusing on inflation and letting it fall.

3. Never forget that you have been elected for a reason - they believe you can fight hard for your people. Show them how hard you can fight and not only with words.

4. Never miss a chance to fiercely attack another party, by words or otherwise, but do it ambiguously. Just in case you need to switch your loyalties as fiercely to the party you fiercely attacked.

5. Mics, chairs etc. are all handy equipments. Build your upper body strength to use them effectively in a debate.

6. For reactions on bills, go to 2.

7. If the bill is about any sort of reservation, 6 is not applicable. In this case, you must cut across party lines, caste, race, ideologies and IPL loyalties to support it.

8. You can bypass 7 if you can find any scope of reservation within the reservation bill.

9. If you are in the opposition, verbal reaction is just not enough. If you are either well-behaved or old or both, you should stage a walk out. Else, go to 5.*

10. If you are in the ruling party and tabling a bill - Proximity to anyone carrying a mic or chair is potentially harmful. Build your upper body strength to defend yourself effectively.

* Do not stage a walk out condemning an on-going terrorist attack on the parliament. We don't want to go to the voting booth again. And we just might miss you too.

46 singles were just not enough

2010-02-26T23:38:00.006+05:30

Facts first, the adulations can follow:
India and China are the only 2 big economies unaffected by the meltdown. While the Chinese were busy hacking in to Google, whole of India dropped the work at hand to watch Him bat and then the highlights for the next 2 days. So in effect, Sachin has pushed the global economy back by 3 days.

Every possible imagery and superlative has already been used by one or the other to describe him and I could not possibly add to that, unless I learnt Japanese. But this is special. This one will be unattainable. Someone else, I am sure will go past the no. of centuries but nobody will ever be the first to a double ton now. It's his for keeps.

This is special for another reason too. All the statistics could only be used to compare him with others and could not quite establish his superiority. Something was amiss. Something that set him apart, like Lara's 400. This one pushes him a rung above doubt. 46 singles were just not enough.

I have to be honest here. Since the day he retired hurt at the rectangular field in NZ, I doubted if he will ever go past 150 again, let alone 2 tons. He cramped bad and the bitch called age seemed to be catching up. Hence, that heart-breaking 175 came as a surprise to me. But that day, I thought, the determination to win eclipsed age and I secretly braced myself on being able to watch his last great ODI Innings.

Wasn't so. This man is not about overpowering age. He is beyond it. It's as if age is just another delivery he should be careful of. He has simply cut down the risks and adrenaline the way he cut out the cover-drive at Sydney in 'that' 241-knock. The way only he can.

Moment of truth again. I am not really hopeful of India winning the next WC, no matter how passionate Sachin is about that. But I do hope that he proves me wrong once more. For himself.

His post-match interview summed it up for me when he said; "I was striking the ball pretty well."

Yes you were

Note: This post can also be read here, with better articles around it.

Narcissism

2010-02-08T22:00:00.006+05:30

I don’t mind being a sex symbol: Aditya

BACK TO Basics: Aditya

We think he could soon earn the tag of Sandalwood sex symbol......Yeah rright...N i am the next Hugh Jackman

FYI: He's a Sandalwood actor and this article appeared in ToI

Idiot Box

2010-02-06T14:54:00.003+05:30

Quite a fad to squeeze in 'idiot' everywhere, isn't it???

So one reaches home at 6 and am alone. Plenty of time to relax before dinner. Now relaxation, ideally, should involve a glass of whiskey, a cuban cigar, and a stripper gyrating inches away from you. But ain't life a bitch. One had to settle for a cuppa tea and the newspaper.

Now, if you don't care about "Brangelina's" break up or Ramya's (don't ask me who the hell she is) new movie, you would have already finished ToI midway through your ultra-quick no.2 in the morning. So I was left alone with the darned remote control.

I don't know what it is about the TV. It's like this hot girl asking you to let her drive. You just can't refuse despite knowing that, she being a girl, you'll regret it. Gullible folks like me, make the same mistake with the TV and switch it on most of the times. And as like a girl driving, accidents usually follow a good start here.

So I switch it on to set max, which is showing those amazing IPL "we missed you" commercials - All you guys should watch those at least on you tube. And then the surfing begins. One wades through a clutter of movies in languages incomprehensible to most north indian ears, and lands on CID which shows a bomb-squad comprising of one personnel, who's wearing a friggin' space-suit with a skull at the back.

After sometime which felt like hours, one moves on, only to find himself staring at(not watching) a soap, set in Rajasthan, where every woman wears saree and jewellery all the time and the men recite lines in a language which, they think, resembles Rajasthani. Yeah, nobody can stay on that for long.

Having never liked music much, except for few old songs, there's no incentive to tune in to the music channels which show SRK playing himself in his next movie. So I move to news channels hoping to catch something informative, but the Sainiks and Rahul Baba won't let me avail my right of information. I dread the day when we'll have to lodge an RTI to get the budget.

At long end, I decided to settle on good old cricket. I could even watch an Eng vs Ban Test match so it was a safe bet. But what were they showing? Highlights of India being thrashed by SA in an old match. Great. But the Cherry on the cake were the breaks where Surya reads lines from under the camera about saving tigers. I bet he didnt get the full payment. I mean, I could do a better job at reciting without expressions, or even pause.

Never again, I said, and switched it off.

PS: Forgit to mention Rahul Mahajan looking for a bride. But you can imagine how was that.

Bizzarre Bihanis

I: Why would any girl want to marry Rahul Mahajan. He drove his last wife out of home by beating her.

Dad: Not his fault. Some just don't leave without a beating.

Chennai Trip

2010-01-31T12:48:00.002+05:30

So, I went to Chennai for 2 day. Yeah, go on. I can hear your laughing. But they ain't shifting the campus anytime soon so if I gotta meet college friends, I gotta go to Chennai, unless they come to Bangalore. Things have changed in the campus, for the worse.

The weather till sucks and due to the extension work going on, the mess-terrace is gone from 3 storeyed hostels and those poor chaps can't sleep during the day, thanks to the incessant hammering and drilling noise. Forget about sleeping, they can't even watch a movie in that much noise. Things are even worse in my hostel. Why? Because Bhaand still hasn't left and he has managed to grow the hair on his non-bald island on head long enough to tie 'it up in a pony. Good luck, Narmadites.

The good part, of course, was meeting friends and congratulating them on their placements. But this happiness was short-lived as I discovered on my way back. See, they will become bankers, analysts, consultants etc. but none of these positions have any real power. I mean, they will be able to acuire anything money can buy but nothing that money can't. And even master card agrees that money cannot buy everything.

You know what money can't buy but power can? The right to pull a 23 years old's cheek and get away it in a crowded train. The right to still refuse him a seat even after the ordeal. The poor boy's only fault was to have hoped for the elusive mistress called luck to provide him a seat in a reserved compartment, with th help of Mr. money. But she refused to show up. And it was then that my life changed.

See, I had enough money to buy out the man himself but I still couldn't buy myself out of the heinous act. That was a moment of clarity. I realised what I were to become. A TTE in a day train. Those guys have real power man. They can throw you outta the train, they can make you stand for hours and they can damn well pull your cheek. Imagine sashaying in an overcrowded compartment, wearing a coat in 45 degrees, throwing the first one out, making the second guy stand and pulling every 3rd guy's cheek. Heck, you might become a TTE on the arc shown in 2012, if a catastrophe is on its way.

Now since I've decided to become one and have no clue where to begin, please send me any details you might possess/come across. If it turns out to be helpful, I assure you, your cheeks will be stamped 'safe.'

The 3 idiotic things

2010-01-30T23:03:00.006+05:30

Long time since I wrote because it's hard to write long essays on miniscule topics, given my attention span, and as a man not given to hard work, I give it a miss..

What do Americans have against their own culture? My guess is Inferiority complex. So many times have I seen movies where some less educated community is threatened by americans/english and they hit back bravely (except,of course, Bond against the Russians). There was Lawrence of Arabia, The Last Samurai, Dances with the Wolves, some movie on Vietnam, Letters to eo Jhima and now there's the 3D wonder Avatar. Frankly this movie was nothing without the effects. For plot, it had a sad story about how Americans attack Pandora and the native nomads defend their land, referring to earth as a 'dying planet'. I mean, c'mon guys, how much can you hate your own country? I don't think we Indians can stand a movie which portrays us in a bad light. Can we? May be we could tolerate a movie against Indians, but certainly nothing against our caste or community.

Mr. Bhagat, please stop polluting the world. You are a terrible excuse for a writer, you cry like a little girl for credit in a bad movie and you do not look or sound good on TV. As if this all wasn't enough, you are wasting precious newsprint space in TOI every Sunday. But I am not all criticism and can see the silver lining here. It's people like you who give me hope. If you could make a career out of writing, I figure I could become a Test-match batsman or even a Biotech scientist, in spite of the aforementioned span of attention.

That's right, the 3rd point is about that stupid movie. All sorts of thing, good and bad, have been said about the movie and hence all I want to say is, I have seen suicides in my college life but never due to a professor. The reason s always something else. Even in the movie, the Dean didn't anticipate the suicide/attempt and hence it's hardly logical to blame him. And yeah, in real life, the courses or projects aren't so difficult that they push you to such actions. I am a 'living' example, passing with a decent CGPA and a BTP which I finished in under 5 days (although I didn't have a job by the time I left but that blame lies on others and not at all on the prof).

Mob

2009-12-31T15:35:00.003+05:30

Kannada actor Vishnu died yesterday. Apparently he was a legend here, next only to 'eeef you come today' Rajkumar. Realising the situation could be dangerous, Most offices remained closed and hence I got an unexpected holiday. Turns out, those fears were not baseless; his fans, who apparently had nothing better to do, torched a few vehicles. Now I don't believe in spirits but even those who do would agree that Yama did not come to take him in any of those vehicles.

This incident highlights our low levels of tolerance for anything and everything. A recent survey put us 2nd behind Iran on religious intolerance. I fear we would even beat Iran if we just talk about intolerance. Vishnu died, let off the steam with some charred vehicles. Rajkumar dies, kill 5 more. India cricket team lose a match, demolish their homes.

One could even comprehend (not support) the fury and angst over bigger issues like religion, reservation or a separate state but such chaos over a natural death is beyond imagination. The most frustrating thing is that these people always get away with it. Be it the Hindus in Gujarat, Gujjars in Rajasthan, Telangana supporters in Andhra or even yesterday's mob. The law keepers are all to happy to sweep it under the carpet.

It is infuriating to watch civilised people trample law and order like that. Perhaps we deserve an alive Afzal Guru, a '6-months sentenced' SPS Rathore and a remorseless Kasab. We perhaps also deserve the shame of not being able to try Hadlee or hang Abu Salem.

I hope things change and change soon.

Happy new year

Narcissist Narmad

Random Guy: What does 'Jai Ho' mean?

Achaar: Long live the revolution

10 Ways to have your way in India

2009-12-09T22:40:00.002+05:30

1. Become Rich - Apart from making decisions effecting millions of lives, you can buy an IPL team and actually tell Sehwag how to play.

2. Be with a silver spoon born - This works great if you have billing issues with your mobile company. Just open one of your own. And if you are now getting the bills from your own company, you can do the following: spar over it with your brother so loud that neighbors hear everything. In the ensuing division of toys keep this one and then send the bill to your brother, just to teach him a lesson.

3. Become a movie (super) star - You can date the hottest of 'em, get away with hunting deer, running over people, doing shows for, politely put, questionable people and advertsing for Arindam Choudhary.

Caution : 'Super' is important; Shiney Ahuja is discovering that the hard way.

4. Be a star-son: You can start an acting career whenever you've run out of things to do or you can even marry a Miss World.

5. Become a cricketer: You can get a car imported without paying any duty or you can run for assembly elections. Just make sure people have forgotten about the irrelevant stuff like match-fixing or homicide charges. And blimey- You might even develop the guts to put India before Maharashtra despite being a Marathi living in Bombay... OMG...I'm terribly sorry.. It's Mumbai

6. Become a cricketer's son: Oops... This just came out with the flow. Not much good here, unless Rohan Gavaskar's lifestyle inspires you.

6. Become a gangster: This way, you can prepare the ground to become a politician, the benifits of which are described next.

7. Become a politician: Do I really need to explain this? You can also go down in history books as the one who reserved 27% of govt. seats to the disadvantaged, hence making the upper-caste born rue their lineage - an activity reserved for the reserved category before reservations came in to picture.

8. Become a politician's son: Apart from the obvious advantages of becoming a politician yourself, you can get away with doing cocaine and making headlines about it.

9. Declare yourself a Godman: You can claim others' land, indulge in nefariously sleazy activities and sit on a tiger's skin atop golden throne, while claiming to have renounced materialistic pleasures.

10.Fast-unto-death: This one is serious. Gandhi set a wrong precedent. In the first place, one man's principles cannot be more important than a nation's needs. And in today's world, with blind ambitions replacing principles, this is turning dangerous. One man can now ignite the whole of Andhra Pradesh.

Ways you might be tempted to take but shouldn't

11. Replace Manmohan Singh or YSR: They are at high and mighty positions but while the Reddy brothers have reined in YSR, MMS has been dutifully reporting to 'Madamji' since taking charge of India.

Bizarre Bihanis

Me(in a lot of pain): My wisdom tooth is erupting

Dad: YES!!! Thank God. I had given up hopes on you.

Such People Do Exist

2009-12-05T00:09:00.002+05:30

This post is a bout a girl named Palak Muchhal. I heard of her for the 1st time when I was in Kota and she performed their. A sensational singer already, she was all of 12 years then. With time, I forgot about her, only to be reminded of her a few days later on my trip to Nagpur. My uncles had attended her performance just a day back and just could not stop talking about her. About her voice, her behaviour, her polite manner and the ever-visible smile on her face. But most of all, for her deeds.

Apart from accommodation and travel expenses, this girl charges a minimum of Rs. 50,000 per show and has erformed in Dubai and Singapore too. In Nagpur, I'm told, she collected Rs. 21 Lakhs. This is the amount donated by the 400-500 people present their. Apart from the obvious inferences about the gathering being of Big, fat-rich people, it perhaps indicates the cause she works for.

All the proceeds from her shows go in the treatment of children needing a heart surgery but whose parents cannot afford it. Since each surgery costs Rs. 50,000, hence the minimum amount. All she gets is a doll for each of the life saved. So far she has received 234 dolls and she is not even 18 yet. So if some 'possesses-truck-loads-of-money-but-doesn't-know-what-to-do-with-it' sort of guy stumbles upon this article; take this suggestion.

This obviously would not have been possible without her parents' support who have instilled such values in her and have retained those values themselves. I am not likely to forget this anytime soon.

Such people do exist
Kudos

Others in a Sachin moment

2009-11-15T01:34:00.003+05:30

This day Sachin completes 20 years in International cricket. To borrow Ramiz Raja's catchphrase (or rather word), a 'tremendous' achievement. It could not have been easy, carrying the expectations of a billion people and more often than not, the responsibility of 10 others. Were I to get a Rupee for every run of his, I'd have been richer by about 30 grands, which, mind you, is no mean feat, earning 30,000 Rs., that is.

In keeping with this moment, the most popular faces in cricket lavished praises on him, namely Geoffrey Boycott, Ravi Shastri, Harsha Bhogle (English) and Maninder Singh (Hindi) . Everyone from his coach, brother to the extras who hung-around-him-in-a-pepsi ad and Shahrukh Khan have a different opinion about his greatest asset. While most said it was hard-work, passion and humility, there were a few who thought it was his butt. Strangely enough, nobody emphasises on his talent. Makes me think that any romeo-styled lover, with a dash of humility, a ripe butt and 2 litres of sweat everyday can become a national icon.

Admist all the fanfare, Lalit Modi lauded Sachin's marketing acumen in making Mumbai Indians the biggest IPL brand, despite not doing too well on-field. The defining moment, however, came when Sidhu quoted, "Just like it is foolish to drive after dusk without your headlights on, likewise, you should not drool over other women while your wife is around", admist fits of laughter after every word, which lasted anywhere between a minute to an hour. Rumour has it that every channel is now trying to put together an expert panel comprising at least a cricketer, a psychiatrist, an astrologer, an acclaimed novelist ( not Chetan Bhagat) and a finance, railway or foreign affairs minister, who will try and comprehend the gist of Mr. Sidhu's statement and find its parallels in Sachin's career.

It has also come to my notice that during one such show, MNS activists raided a TV Channel's office and disrupted proceedings. They shouted a few slogans and staged a walk-out, only to return after being reminded that this wasn't a parliamentary session. Despite nobody bothering to ask him, Raj Thakarey issued a reason for this 'appropriate' behavior by his party workers. According to him, Sachin being a Marathi Manoos, all the discussions regarding him should be held in Marathi on this occassion. Upon this declaration, he turned to the anchor of the show, Tony Greig, and warned him of dire consequences if not complied to - all in Marathi. Tony did well to not ask him to translate that in English.

All this drivel apart, it has been fantastic watching him play over the years. I hope he wins The Cup, and this time, for himself, more than for us. Also waiting for him to complete a century of centuries. I know the day will come. Amen

The idea of Democracy

2009-11-09T22:12:00.005+05:30

India achieved independence in 1947 and we are now the largest democracy in the world. The vision of the founding fathers was 'Swaraj' or self-rule. In compliance with that, we elect MLAs and MPs who represent us in assemblies. This should give us self-rule, you would think. The govt. work for us, you would think. Not quite.

We do not have the power to rule ourselves. For starters, we presume that the ideas and principles of an elected representative would be in line with the interests of the majority of the population since they chose him. But history suggests that majority can never be kept united. In present times, Advani's hardcore Hindutva handed BJP a drubbing in the Lok-Sabha elections. Whereas in Bihar, MP and UP, the Lalus, Paswans and Mulayams have always kept their focus on large minorities. Hence the promises and subsequent schemes and actions are towards wooing minorities.

Even if the majority happens to elect itself a leader, it can only pick a representative for itself. The policy-makers or the ministers are chosen not by us but by the party 'high-command' which usually means the whims and fancies of at most half a dozen persons. How else could you justify the re-appointment of R. R. Patil as Maharashtra's home-minister, who termed the 26/11 attack as a minor incident. I am sure the majority of Maharashtrians wouldn't approve.

Then there are individuals who have the power to modify or change policies to suit them, perfectly under the realms of law. Without going deeper in to that, I'll just say that this class too is a minority. Perhaps keeping the majority, the 'aam-aadmi' interested while a small and powerful elite group runs the show from behind the curtains, is the game. What is our role then? At best, we have the power to pick those elites who run the show.

Totally Unrelated Note: Another heart-break for the nation as the old warhorse waged a lone battle in a sea of ruins, falling just before the line. The collective efforts of 10 others could not overcome the last hurdle. Sachin reminded us of the 90s, and so did the rest of the team.

Since Sachin's heroics and subsequent heartbreak, Tatenda Taibu and Mohammad Aameer went through the same fate, both bagging the man of the match award too. Sachin inspiration?

Rules & Evolution

2009-11-02T00:48:00.003+05:30

Watching the pub scene in RDB, I feel like the characters in the 1st half are a lot closer to us than we realise. Every other person of my age (starting from me) is a cynic these days, questioning traditions to contemporary culture, from history to futuristic ideas and every timeline between them. With access to internet, blogs, online forums and other outlets, we now have a bigger platform to argue on than ever before.

While some are valid and thought provoking, a few of the popular ones are just rubbish and show the 'argumentative nature of Indians', who just have to question every norm. Specially the arguments against society, system and the likes. Apparently they hold back the free-spirited. Not entirely true that.

To begin with, if there were no rules, there would be no 'free-spirit', just like there's no darkness without light. Furthermore, all the animals follow some norms and rules within their herds which become more elaborate and clearly defined as we go up the evolutionary ladder. Man too, being a social animal, is bound to have them. Our rules are just more defined and clearly laid-down, in keeping with the our arguably superior mental capabalities.

Any set of rules, be it science or social-science, is open to modification, correction, interpretation and even rejection and hence is evolutionary in nature: survival of the fittest. What keeps evolving in the right direction, survives, and the others dissappear. The country-laws have, for instance, come a long way from Hammurabi's slabs or the 10 commandments to a Penal code, with 2kgs of paper. As with our body and brain, these systems have now become so complex that it's hard to track back the roots. A lack of understanding leads us to believe that they are whimsical, just like a lack of common-sense made us allow women to drive cars.

A system, in fact, is essential for growth and development. Let's take the most common system in the world, the number system, whose contribution in the development of mankind is obvious. Take in it, the most common number sequence: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. Now if you were to write 7.00000001 afer 7 in stead of 8, that would be wrong. While 7.0000001 is not wrong in itself but it is out of place their. If their were no such system in place, and 7.0000001 were as good as 8, we would never have learnt counting. Similarly, if their were no civic laws or codes of conduct, it would be a disaster. Lack of law enforcement always results in a breakdown of law and order. The increased crime-rates after disasters, like the Tsunami and Bihar, are a clear indicator. True, sometimes they seem suffocating, but they are evolving all the time. We are, but a mere means to a better system, not the sum of it.

If you feel strongly against something, pray that others do too, for then, it will fall by the side in the long run*. If you hate and question every rule and system created by mankind, go to the Himalayas. You might find some peace away from any traces of man. And oh, don't forget to leave those clothes behnd, they too afterall, are the result of a production system.

*Long-run: No time-frame. However, it is widely speculated that the long-run is usually longer than short-run.**

**Short-run: Believed to be shorter than the long-run, despite the lack of a comprehensive reason.

PS: I am not a responsible author and have deliberately left out a lot of aspects because i found them boring to write about.

Naxalites

2009-10-27T23:53:00.003+05:30

The term naxalites is used for Indian Maoists or communism seeking terrorists. The term came from Naxalbari, an underdeveloped village in West Bengal where the movement is said to have begun. With an ideology which appealed to an intellectual mind and compassionate heart, it lured many a rich and educated youngsters in the organisation, especially in WB (where every man who can just about read and write thinks of himself as someone worthy of a Noble or knighthood, if given a chance). With the young blood pumping rearing to rebel and the spread pf communism around the globe, the ideas were easy to believe too.

All this made the Naxals quite a nuisance back then. But the times were different. From what I understand, police brutalities, although prevelant, did not create a lump in the dog's thorat which keeps a watch on human rights. The political parties and media too were unequivocal in their stand against the Naxalites. This gave the govt. a good support and it dealt with the problem with an iron fist, knocking it down for a good 20 years. The only mistake, perhaps, was that they failed to crush it completely. But a govt. cannot order mass executions.

Times have changed. The movement has changed course. What was an ideology driven movement has now disintegrated in to terrorist outfits who harrass and torture the upper class for their bread and butter. The ideology is pretty much lost with the fall of communism, the learned ones rather had the free market take care of the poor. In spite of all this, the Naxalites are stronger than ever, whether in numbers or affected area.

This should not have happened, in spite of the Chinese money allegedly pouring in. But we are not what we were back then. These days, every action has a multitude of reactions and barring one, all are opposite ones. Suppose the army storms and shoots down a few at a Naxal camp. Apart from the ruling party, it will be criticised by everyone in the assembly. The media will raise a hulabaloo about a milkman who died in the crossfire, pressurising the govt. to take full responsibility and compensating its family. The human rights' people will slogan-shout their lungs out and the Madhur Bhandarkar or Nandita Das will make a film about it portraying Naxals as the Robinhoods and police as the villians.

Add to the mix a govt, which talks more and does a tad less, and you have a rather dangerous situation on hand. Mr. Chidambaram has been reminding us about th threat the Naxalites are to us for sometime now but has not quite achieved a lot. I don't understand why he even needs to declare a war on them. It's a job best done quietly. Just keep going after them and just show us the result. All this talking just seems to have reached those terrorists and might have made them feel that they needed to end a message. I hence think that today's hijack scare had more than a little to do with Chidambaram's statements.

PS: Just to emphasise on my point of hostil reactions to anything govt; there wasn't a single movie made on Naxalism until 1998. Since then, there have been at least 3. Needless to say, all of them take a sympathetic look at them.

Bizzarre Bihanis

Me: Dad, I should gift a note counter. Will give you some rest. (He's in to a business which involves a lot of cash dealings, but not so much cash :( unfortunately )
Dad: You just gift me notes. Lemme worry about the counting.

A team called T&T

2009-10-22T22:06:00.004+05:30

Apart from few others, the Champions' League has managed to score one major positive. Succinctly put, that positive is called Trinidad and Tobago. A club team, which managed a berth almost as a favor, coming from a country whose cricket board is doing everything in its power to lose reputation and credibility. The team, for obvious reasons, were the underdogs, but have now barged in to the finals as favorites and in style at that.

I have only read about the West Indies of yore when Malcolm Marshall broke batsmen's bones and Viv Richards destroyed bowlers. The only reminiscent of those times was the genius called Lara who was all but consistent when I started taking an interest in cricket. Nevertheless, he was a treat to watch when on song. With the likes of Gayle and Bravo, there's still some talent in the team but the mainstays, Sarwan and Chandrapaul, are ugly accumulators, a far cry from the style and flair associated with the island team.

Watching this team, you can be sure that cricket ain't leaving these football crazy islands easily. It was a treat to watch the special kinds of drives which go to fine-leg and pulls that go over long-on. With no half measures, the strength and confidence behind each stroke is exemplary. Although the bowling was belted around but that could be blamed on the pitch. Add to this the typical underdog story and it's hard not to support the men in red. These guys could give any national side a run for their money. Aptly named TNT, they are effecting some serious explosions.

PS: These guys are playing with serious pride. Celebrating wickets and man-of-the-match award by waving their flag.

Super over

2009-10-14T10:11:00.006+05:30

After AB, another de Villiers shot to limelight. The do or die match for both Eagles and Sussex and resulted in a tie. Eagles scored a very gettable 9 against a peach of an over by Yasir Arafat. In the next innings(?), de Villiers bowled a real super over by taking out the off-stump twice in the 1st 2 balls.
What's his 1st name initials? C.
So now we have AB, C de Villiers. More on the way?

Champion's League

2009-10-12T22:05:00.002+05:30

I am having a hard time picking up a team to support. Not that I am watching much of it but neither are the umpires. They have put friggin' mics on the umpires to have a chat with the commentators. What next? Put a mic inside a batsman's helmet and listen to his thoughts after each ball?

Rahul Dravid: 'defend'...'defend'...
Harbhajan Singh: 'Monkey'
Andrew Symonds: 'Boo hoo'
Sachin: "he's only saying 'maa ki'
Ponting: "Screw England"
Flintoff: "I'll go freelance, screw England"
Strauss: "Flintoff is inspring,screw England"

The questions asked to the umpires are the best part; "Are you enjoying the match?". Gimme that much money and I'll 'enjoy' the match, standing on my head. Also, the discussion continues when the bowler is about to bowl or the batsman has hit a four. The drop in entertainment factor is comparable to switching from Bob Dylan to Akon.

Watching Mohabbatein

2009-10-10T21:47:00.002+05:30

Since I'm busy all week, I only get weekend time with my parents and more often than not, parents are insensitive to a grown up but still unproductive guy. They make you watch Mohabbatein. Arrgghhh..

The scenes jump like a hopping rabbit, the screenplay seems to be done as a favor, the dialogues are cheesy and the logic consistently flirts with the line between creativity and absurdity. Although the 6 lovers have a whole range of expressions but only if you count in binary. Aishwarya Rai just could not emote and even Anupam Kher is a letdown.

The movie is still watchable. Not because of the premise, which is ridiculous to say the least. It's the Yash, Raj, SRK and Amitabh trio ( the comma after Yash is a deliberate typo). Well, a Yash Raj can pull off anything from a Valentine's much after Holi in this 'Gurukul' and a Volvo in the 70s in Veer-Zara. God knows how many times he has duped me in a similar fashion.

PS:I didn't ENJOY it. It was just watchable.

The Nobel & Other Things Irrelevant

2009-10-10T00:26:00.008+05:30

For sometime now I am being bugged by people, newspapers and TV alike as they all dicuss stuff I could very well do without. So I jotted down a things we should not and should discuss

Things we need not think about:

1. Obama winning the Nobel Prize: He may or may not deserve it but does it matter anymore? There are so many better things that precious advertising space called status message could be devoted to. My blog for instance. The way I see it, it might be more insightful to discuss my blog entries, which can be edited and deleted, than pondering over that sailed ship.

BTW, history suggests that if you really,really,truly, badly and desperately want to win a Nobel Prize, becoming the President of US is your best shot. Four, yes four, I repeat, four of them have won it. No other chair has won so many.

2. 'The' austerity drive: Yeah yeah yeah... Rahul Baba travelled by train, Mr. Tharoor tweeted about it and the press wasted reels of newsprint and hours of showtime to it. Was it honest? I don't know and neither do I care because what they are going to save is loose change in comparison to what they spend.

Btw, I found Mr. Tharoor being asked to leave a hotel and occupy his alloted Bungalow quite ironic when MPs (ex) don't vacate their Bungalows months after vacating office.

3. Salman, SRK, Aamir: Saas-Bahu is passe', enter the blogosphere. I don't really care if SRK and 'KJo' are more than friends, what's Aamir's dog's name or if Salman gifted his shirt to a shirtless man and thus himself getting shirtless in the process.

It might be noted that Amitji has been deliberately left out of it. I don't hear much about anyone else and hence haven't grown sick of them yet.

4. Cricket: Think about this one and get back. I'll be waiting for your valuable thoughts and not-so-valuable insults.

I must admit that a some of my recent posts might suggest, I myself indulge a lot in the last fallacy.

Things we should spare more than a miniscule thought for:

1. The Ambani Bros. Feud.

2. Naxalites

3. The authenticity of Pokharan, although nothing can come out of it now.

4. Dev D/ Abhay Deol

PS: A friend's status message: Next year's peace prize to Simpu Sir... What's the zoke bhai???

Gandhi, I and Autos

2009-10-02T23:50:00.003+05:30

Gandhi Jayanti is just to get this one rolling. When it comes to Gandhi, I have read his autobiography but cannot understand him. I have played his assassin in a monoacting bit from the anti-Gandhi play, 'Me Nathuram Godse Boltoy', with which I didn't agree one bit, but I still don't have an opinion. Sure he was a great man and stood for independence, a cause very dear to me, but he is difficult to relate to and much more difficult to follow. Perhaps my horizons of wisdom are not vast enough to comprehend his ideas.

Anyhow, this post is about an incident which wasn't exactly non-violent.

My partners in crime were 2 close buddies. These friends will henceforth be called I and I because calling them S and A will confuse that paltry lot of readers who better know them by their nicknames, which begin with I and I respectively.

One fine evening, as I was whiling away time on my computer, I buzzed me to ask if I wanted to watch Dev D. "I thought you'd never ask" I replied. I then dashed to I's room to convince him to tag along. Cutting short the chase, as I was haggling with an autowallah who was demanding Rs. 120, I had managed to find one who agreed to go for Rs. 60 to Woodlands.

This man took us to the Woodland restaurant while it was explained to him in no uncertain terms that our desired destination was Woodlands Theatre. So as he dropped us their, I gave him a Rs. 100 note and streched my palm for 40 in return. I was as surprised as me when the Autowallah returned Rs. 20. I, by the time, was already fuming due to the delay. Hence began the so very common sight of north Indian students haggling with an Autowallah in Chennai. This time around though, the mood was different. I was frustrated of being mooched of for 3 years by them. I had a strong desire to beat someone up and I was low on cash and wanted his 20 bucks.

So as the Autowallah was about to pull the lever in a bid to scurry off, I stomped on the lever. This made him very angry and he gave me a push. As if waiting for something like this, I twisted his hand as I caught him by his neck. I was now happily texting off a girl about this as I and I roughed him up.

Unlike Devdas the story has a happy ending as Abhay Deol tries to get his life back on track and doesn't die.

And oh, we got our 20 bucks back which we gave to the auto we came back in as he requested for it.

PS: I had claimed that the bone of contention was Rs. 20 but I pointed out that it was Rs. 10. So it would have cost each of us Rs. 3.33 to let go of the Autowalla. Cheap Bastards, aint we?

Lessons Learnt

2009-09-29T23:12:00.008+05:30

It's a heart-warming feeling to pay for your friends from your pocket. ( I know what you cheapskates are thinking. Don't even think of mooching it off)
The best feeling in the world is not happiness or love but that of relieving yourself when you can't control it for another minute.

If you cut short a conversation with a cute girl and turn towards your friend, you are stupid. Friends are supposed to watch your back not the girl in the black dress.

Men do cry out of happiness. I saw one

If you lose one glass from a Rs. 2600 shades, go look for it. God is not that cruel.
There are times when it's better to push your friend in front to face the fire, specially when it's coming from your own father.
Birds love to shit on a new car.
It's scary to switch off the headlights of your car while going uphill at 4 in the morning. But that's precisely what makes it memorable.
A Mallu shakes like a banana leaf in a chilly breeze. (Even a half Mallu)
IITians take hours to find a pond but add a 'y' to it and they will find it in a jiffy.
Every pond doesn't have fish in it.
It's the company that makes the tea great.
It's a bad bad idea to ride a bike in Bangalore after staying awake for over 26 hours.
It's time to grow up. College life ain't coming back.

This comes from the day I spent with friends who came visiting to Bangalore.

PS: 2 guys were missed. One is in Guwahati and the other is plain stupid.

- Nikhil Kamath, a batchmate of mine, is no more. He left for heavenly abode yesterday. A quizzer, multiple times 10 pointer and tt captain, he was a true genius, moving on to IIM-A from IIT-M. More than his intellectual prowess, he will be missed for the goodness of his heart. For people who knew him, he was the nicest of guys and humble too. May his soul rest in peace.

Random Thoughts

2009-09-05T00:19:00.003+05:30

RT 1: To the best of my knowledge, the only death which is celebrated by any religion is Ravana's while there is at least one death in every religion that is mourned. A life lost in any case is sad. So my fellow bloggers, please avoid expressing your contempt towards the irrationally widespread grief, or on any other aspect, related to YSR's death.

RT 2: The new Tata Docomo has a tarriff rate of 1p/sec and the demand for it suggests that a good chunk of the market will eventually will eventually land up in Tata's network. If people are charged for every second they talk, will that make them talk less? I certainly hope so.

RT 3: When in Bangalore, the best way to reach your destination, on a self-driven vehicle is to keep asking the auto-drivers about the route. They always help, sometimes even pull their vehicle to a just to explain it clearly.This is a note of gratitude towards the auto-drivers in Bangalore, without who I would be lost many times over. Hail the auto drivers.

RT 4: It rainsalmost everyday in Bangalore and I forget my helmet on the bike with the same frequency. Hope someone develops a water-proof helmet which is comfortable to wear too.

The Books I read

2009-08-27T11:12:00.004+05:30

Once upon a time, I was tagged... Actually, once too often... So I finally decided to brag about the books I have read but then a closer inspection revealed that it's about the books which are close to you... So let's give it a shot...

1)Mrityunjay- Shivaji Sawant: Karn's version of Mahabharat, which has always fascinated me. The stories and incidents are nothing new but the perspective is. Perfect characterisation too. Not to mention the thoroughness in penning down the emotions...

2)King Solomon's Mines: Perhaps the 1st adventure classic I read. 4 men make a long and hazardous journey chasing a mythical treasure. The climax is a battle between a rightful prince and a not so righteous uncle. Read it twice end-to-end.

3)Harry Potter Series: You probably know everything I got.

4)THE Godfather- Mario Puzo: Cult. There has never been a character as awesome as Don Corleone in the history of awesomeness.

5) Famous Five series- Enid Blyton: Good reads as a child.

6) Champak: Started reading stories from them. Finished my Dad's collection of over 5 years in 1.

7) The Icon - Fredrick Forsyth: If you like spy novels, you would have read this one. If you don't like spy novels, grab a copy still.

8) Madhushala- Harivanshrai Bachchan: Such prose and equally delightful thoughts woven in to them.

Bair karate Mandir, Masjid; mel karati madhushala

9) The Hicthhiker's Guide to Galaxy: Stumps you and keeps surprising you from the word go. I'm sure it has a deeper meaning which I, a lesser mortal, have been unable to unearth.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded a

s a bad move.

10) Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: Caught my imagination in middle school.

11) Calvin & Hobbes: This strip says it all:

And now time to place my foot in my mouth and criticise some popular books:

1) The Da Vinci Code- Dan Brown: Had me hooked once but better sense prevailed with time. Now, it's a good reference point if you want to sell a scandal.

2) The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho: There are multiple reasons as to why I would look at the sky, ranging from romantic to meteorological but divine signals fails to make the cut. I am a friggin engineer, not the fourth wise guy.

3) Fountainhead - Ayn Rand: Only one question. Do such people really exist? All the characters have either a 'shove it up your @$$' attitude or are downright dumb. Being too full of themselves being common to all. Excruciating.

4) 5 point someone - Chetan Bhagat: I could live with the other 3 books, labelling them a time-waste. But this one refuses to leave me. Every time I make the fatal mistake of mentioning my Alma Mater, some idiot has to mention this utter waste of newsprint. What's more, it's not even interesting. Hell, my goofy jokes are better that 'half the Amazon is being felled to make books and guides for JEE preparation'. OUR LIVES ARE NOTHING LIKE THAT. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Consider yourself tagged if you are reading this

Quotes:

Me: What size should be the report?

Boss: 5 feet...

The Ashes

2009-08-24T23:44:00.003+05:30

It's been decided... England won.. Although it was more of a 'worse than thou' contest this time around... Either team went for bungee jumping with their abilities in tow without tying the rope to their legs on an alternate basis... Panesar took the impact of the first Pommy fall on his turban and thus should be recommended for knighthood...

However, this was supposed to be about something else...

I never really thought about England's one-legged omen for the series until his topless images flashed across newspapers... No you pervs it wasn't the winner of the one-legged hot-bod contest but Flintoff...What a shame that was... Ganguly did well to pay him back in the same coin, that too at Lord's... How the English traditionalists would have squirmed... The rivalry is now being carried forward through Dada's protege, Yuvi in ODIs. Whereas in Test matches, well, Freddie won't play anymore and Yuvi can't... But we digress... I wanted to tell you how much I hated him even an year back but as I saw him leave, everything stood absolved... I could see what he meant to cricket and in some strange way, his leaving Test cricket is something like me leaving my college... In that moment, I could relate to him and everything else was water under the bridge... I really hope he remains a fierce competitor in the shorter formats...

The other person I wanted to write about is Ponting... Now I have seen people who are graceful in victory and defeat and those who are not in either... There also exists a breed who are good winners but rather sour losers... Ponting by far is the strangest... His wins were arrogant, the almost victories a blame-game. But such poise and dignity in the wake of losing the Ashes... Either he has learnt his lessons or he could not find any UFOs to blame, having already blamed everything under the sun... I almost felt I supported the wrong team... But I don't trust the Aussies... They will turn their arrogant selves again once they start winning... So I hope they never really get back to winning even though they deserve to...

The other news

2009-08-17T16:22:00.009+05:30

The newspapers have been reporting on 2 national issues a lot lately, 'the' flu and the feud between the Ambani brothers. While the flu has been hogging all the lime, green and litmus light on the front page, the latter has been causing occassional ripples in the quiet backwaters of the editorials. While reports on the former mainly tell us of2 numbers escalating daily(deaths and positive cases), the latter too talk about 2 numbers, albeit constant for the time being.

Let me dwell in to the numbers for a bit. The flu had infected upwards of 1,77,000 and claimed 1.260 deaths globally before announcing its grand entry in India. I need not tell you how the numbers stand in front of other, more pressing and resistant diseases. On the other hand, Anil is raising hell over an extra $2 which Mukesh is demanding. It might be mentioned that NTPC too shall be required to pay that extra $2 to Mukesh. Precisely the things the editorial-writing-intellectuals will discuss while the country is going to the pigs. I'll rephrase: Should they not be talking more about it, rather than the occassional ple.a to the media to not hype up the issue in the midst of the very newspapers whose headlines scream out a higher number everyday?

The irony is not lost on me, but neither is common sense. Although I might as well be the next in this line but what are the odds ( A supposed-to-be-responsible-but-loosely-wagging-tounge claimed 1/3 but I don't believe him). What should be of greater or at least equal concern is the Ambani feud. The judgement is bound to affect me.

The Ambanis have always been been known to make hay by stealing others' sunshine and that's what big brother does, claiming that the new quoted prices are closer to global prices. He has found a sympathatic ally in Mr. Deora, the concerned minister and the late Dhirubhai's friend. The point to note is that NTPC is itself fighting a case over the same issue with RIL, its parent ministry is all too happy to dole out the extra 2 dollars. Now Anil will still have his formerly hot wife but NTPC will shove deep down in to my pocket, denying me something worth the extra money it took. So please people try to form a public opinion on this. It might claim more lives than the flu. You know about the effect of inflated gas prices on, oh yes, inflation.

Now since this is my blog and I wish to keep writing, I will. This case is being keenly watched by invetors. They want to see if India can be trusted as a land with strong laws running everything more than body fluids running down street lamps/walls/trees or contracts interpretation is subject to change along with ministers. I am no lawyer but I am sure there were clauses against losses in the gas contract and since they are not evoked have a good reason to believe it still being profitable for Mukesh. In that scenario I don't see why should there be even a case unless the contract was signed on a Telgi supplied stamp paper.

Before this week I thought of our health minister as a brave and intelligent man to have issued statements regarding birth control which might have sparked a backlash considering that he's a muslim. My opinion has now changed due to the bracketed statement above. Mr. Deora, well I never really thought about him and don't think I will.

Bizzare Bihanis

My dad, though, stumped me with the 'other perspective'. He says, "Mukesh sabzi sasti bech raha hai, kahin to balance sheet barabar karega na."

Update: The govt. released a statement which I could not fully comprehend but I think it meant that it's steering clear of the feud. Who makes a better bid in the court however, remains to be seen.

The Flu Trail

2009-08-10T19:04:00.009+05:30

People world over are forming potentially fatal queues. They go for a check even if they have a 1% doubt that they are infected and even if one person is infected in the 100-strong queue, the chances of getting infected shoot up to 90%. That's a 90 times jump. You are probably better off sitting at home than queuing up for a check. Why has this stupidity not caught the eyes of ANY administration is beyond me. Or let's just call it an abberation to my otherwise not so smart observations.

Talk about living dangerously

Sports and Psychology

2009-08-09T00:05:00.003+05:30

I had been reading about Mike Brearly recently. For the ignorant souls, he was an English cricket captain and was in the team only because of his captaincy. His batting average was a mere 24 and he never scored a century at the international level. Even then, he never lost a single test as a captain.

Apparently, he knew how to get the best out of his players and could always tell whether someone needed a kind word or a kick in the ass. On further reading, I found out that he, in fact, did have a degree in psychology. It is clear that his man management skills were reason enough for the selectors to pick him, despite his record. The man always attributed his success to his education.

While reading all that, an idea struck. Why not teach players, specially the ones projected as future captains, basics of psychology. I don't mean a rigorous, degree-seeking program but I'm sure a Psychology101 can't do any harm.

Think about it. A player like Brearly, who hardly ever could lead by example, engineered such a turnaround in Botham's form halfway in to a series which is now known as Botham's Ashes. If he could be that successful, I'm sure it can lift a Dhoni's or aPonting's performance by a few notches.

As I write, I no realise it might be a better idea to leave the players alone and coach a coach. That way you need not ruin a natural like Sehwag and at the same time, could save a Shaun Tait from a mental fatigue so early in his career.

This can of course be applied to other sports too.

Narcicist Narmad

Bhalla: Abe jaldi roll kar

PD: Main slow hun yaar

The Land of Contradictions

2009-08-05T00:22:00.004+05:30

"The problem with IIT is that it's governed by non-IITians." I spent a week at my alma-mater on the pretext of convocation which was 4 hours long. Although so boring, that everyone except for those on the stage dozed off at least once. That was when my idle mind started thinking on these lines. I had indeed spent 4 years in a land of contradictions.

The Chief guest, an economist on first-name terms with our PM, spoke about why India should not have a Nuclear bomb, while the fuction was chaired by one of the pioneers of India's nuclear tests.
The Profs keep harping about the effect of 24-hour internet access and have cut it down, while the extremely disturbing and distracting extension work in hostels begins right after students come back from a 3-months break.
We inaugrate a state-of-the-art indoor stadium and build a manhole bang in the middle of a playground.
We pride ourselves on being the brightest and yet are burdened with 49% of those who ain't exactly that.
In this Institute of Technology, the most sought after minor is management and job is consultancy.

I could go on and on but I'm sleepy...

My Dear Readers

2009-07-23T00:20:00.007+05:30

I thought I shall write about my friends in IIT. It isn't because I'm feeling particularly nostalgic, it's just that I am too jobless and sleepless. As I think of the people I want to mention, it seems so useless to mention them too, thanks to their expected responses. And having lived with them for those 4 bloody eventful (not fruitful, eventful) years I can bet my life on them living up to my expectations. So here are those responses:

Satyan 'achaar' Chaudhary: "Just another supercilious blog. You see, the problem is that you are not a Jat and blah, blah, blah..." Oh, he won't read the blog btw.
Sajal 'ip' Gothi: "Itna lambaaaa... kaise padhunga main." He's the only one who won't read it and do so honestly.
Sameer "Bhalla" Singh: He will read it but will take that shameful secret to his grave.
Achal "Item" Jain: Would have read it even before I'd ask him to and when I'll ask for his response (yes, I extract that out of people) his reply won't be longer than 2 words. The latter being a noun (good, bad, crappy) and the 1st one being "was".
Karan "BJ" Syal: Will comment on it, invariably linking it to girls, with a reason-defying logic. I will then have to delete the comment as keeping it on my blog is embarrassing.
Manish "waggy/DKG/Kaduwa/..." Sharma: Will declare the blog racist and then blame excesive intake of 'chai' for my error in judgement, much to the anguish of us tea-lovers.
Nelson "Nelson" Veda...something: Will come up with the worst of PJs about it and crack them as soon as I ping him. "An eye for an eye" at its best.
Pratik "Punchar" Gupta: Will always read it and throw in his two cents as he believes in 'doing unto others...'. (Why he doesn't spell punchar as Puncture remains a mystery to me).
Anish "KG" Bangia: Will do the same as puncture, but with altruist intentions.
Pratyusha "Granny, is it?" Mogalisetti: Will read it seriously. Period.
Others: Won't even read the entries I consider my favorites, but will shower praises on the ones that I think stink. Reminds me of my trips to stores with my mom to buy a shirt.

P.S.: Following up the last post, the Aussies, to my delight, lost the 2nd test. It was heartwarming to watch Freddy Flintoff run in and bowl a 9th over equally hostile as his first. Not that I particularly like that 6'4" frame of his, it's just that I hate the Aussies more.

Ricky Ponting ko gussa kyun aata hai?

2009-07-15T11:43:00.010+05:30

Mr. Ponting is fuming, behaving like a child whose candy has been snatched away. The frown which almost always accompanies him when touring India made an aberration and paid him a visit at Cardiff. Incidentally, the cause of the frustration was a spinner Sardar this time too, albeit with the bat.

In the post-match conference, Ponting blasted England's time delaying tactics, which included changing gloves, calling the physio and causing rain on the 4th day. He stated that apart from the rain, it was pretty 'ordinary stuff'. On further coaxing, he revealed that he won't report the incident as he felt that ICC should first take care of similar but bigger issues like the 'time delaying tactics' adopted by Indian govt. officials while constructing a bridge or a road.

He also publicly requested Arjun Singh to officiate in the next match as he was convinced the move will help hm squeeze in many more overs in the given time. It is believed that Lalit Modi was also in contention but Mr. Arjun Singh's ability to squeeze in 127 in the space of 100, combined with his 24x7 availability, since being dumped unceremoniously from the cabinet worked in his favour. Mr. Modi did not help his case by suggesting to squeeze in therapeutic breaks every 10 overs, where it would be mandatory for physios to tend to players, which seems to have left Mr. Ponting fuming.

When the conversation veered to 'spirit of the game', an over zealous reporter reminded him of the Indian tour when he and his mates ignored a pre-series agreement between the two sides and resorted to sledging, ultimately resulting in the Monkeygate scandal. Mr. Ponting responded graciously by explaining the terms of the agreement, but only after pointing out that the question was 'against the spirit of journalism'. Apparently, claiming grassed catches, prompting an umpiring decision or calling your opponents bastards was all well within the agreement. The only act excluded was calling someone a monkey. (weird country though, where calling someone a bastard is OK but monkey can wreak havoc.)

He went on (& on & on) to mourn the unfair treatment meted out to him every time he tours England or India. Since they can't win fair n' square, the English either put in a specialist fielder as a sub ('05 Ashes) or resort to time-delaying tactics. The Indians on the other hand, bring on Bhajji to bowl to him.

Just when yours truly was getting iffy with his rants, he signed off by warning England to behave themselves and start losing or else, the Aussies will fall back on a simple philosophy they have been using against the Indians. 'If you can't beat 'em on-field, beat 'em off it.'

Bizarre Bihanis

Dad (While watching one of those Hindi movies award shows): So many people from Bollywood are here. If someone bombs this place down, imagine how many newcomers will get a livelihood.

A Thank you speech by Sachin Tendulkar

2009-07-05T22:23:00.003+05:30

I think I would like to dedicate this Coca-Cola Lifetime Achievement award to my biggest supporter, who kept their faith in me even while I was going through a rough patch. These were the people, who are solely responsible for quenching my thirst, every time my Dil wanted more runs in the middle. Ladies & Gentlemen, please give a big hand to Pepsi, I think.

I would also like to thank Adidas for supplying my sportswear. Even while I was not playing on ground of injury, they honored their contract by sending stuff to, I think my son in stead. I am also grateful to Boost which has been helping my energy levels since I was 16. I have since experimented and can claim that it is 'the secret of my energy' off-field too ;).

I am also grateful to Fiat, for it making the petrol affordable enough for me to drive around in my Ferrari Modena (gifted by schumi). Having said that, I would ask MRF to learn something from them. You see people, they refused to provide me spare tyres for my beloved Modena, while they imprudently kept insisting on that worn and torn sticker on my bat, even while I was not playing, I think.

I, yet again, think that I would like to extend gratitude towards Sunfeast, who made it possible for me to open Tendulkar's which is now going in to packaged food business. We will be starting with biscuits. A thank you note is also warranted for Airtel for sticking with me until an !dea changed my life.

Last but not the least, I thank Aviva for being considerable enough to take out a life insurance policy in my name. You see, subcontinental cricketers live a dangerous life in their respective countries, and these days, even while touring Pakistan.

In the twilight of my career, I think that I firmly believe that I have no regrets but one. When I was oung, I, like MS Dhoni, wanted to keep it long, but never could, thanks to Brylcreem, who would rather pay the bald Syed Kirmani than ask me to grow my hair.

Bizzare Bihanis

Ashtung: Your friend has come to meet you
Aunt: How do you know she is my friend?
Ashtung: She looked as old as you
Aunt: Oh.. then she must be 10 years younger to me..

An office down south

2009-07-03T19:15:00.006+05:30

A self-portrait with a story...
The story being how I would look like if I were to go to an office which were 10 kms directly south from home.* (conditions apply)

*I walk both ways and without any protection against the sun...

Bizarre Bihanis

Mom: Beta... I accept, even when i dont understand everything in ( oh one of those) K-serials... I just don't understand how can they show people entering temples with chappals...

Professions & Alcohol

2009-07-02T20:32:00.004+05:30

Every time I meet friends of friends I am invited to a sleep over and a round of booze preceding that... When I try to dodge it, they claim that IITians are guzzlers and that me skipping a chance to get sloshed is a puzzler... It is also widely accepted that engineers consume more alcohol than any other undergrad community... I shall go as far as claiming that doctors and dentists (if you please) are the next biggest consumer group for Dr. Mallya's flagship products... It goes so on and so forth...

Do I find a correlation between liqueur consumption and profession??? Actually I do:

As long as there are enough left to let you think straight, a person's liqueur consumption is directly proportional to the amount of grey cells he/~~she~~ can afford to lose...

Oh yes.. I cut out the 'she' because they don't have a limit. The more they lose it, the more we love them...

The Old Man & The Elephant

2009-06-27T15:01:00.005+05:30

It's finally over..

Part 1

Once their lived a king,
as whimsical as... well, a king.
he had an elephant pet..
the animal would never trumpet...

a reward was declared for the one,
who could set off jumbo's siren...
Hordes of men tried their luck,
but gold was not to be struck...

Then appeared an old man,
with a limp in leg and staff in hand...
He hobbled around the elephant thrice,
and finally stood near his rear side...

All of a sudden he made his move,
sticking the staff up jumbo's groove
The elephant screamed like never before
and the old man left with riches galore

Part 2

An year had passed,
since the old man triumphed..
King's whims were at their best,
At the center of them, again, was the poor pet...

The task looked straightforward,
Just make him nod and shake his head...
Hordes of men again tried their luck,
but gold was still not to be struck...

Then appeared the same, old old man,
with a limp in leg and staff in hand...
He hobbled around the elephant thrice,
and this time, stood within his sight...

He then asked in jumbo's ears if he recalled...
The poor elephant responded with a nod...
He then asked 'Do u want more of the pain'?
The head shook and our old man won again...

BT Brutes:

Sass: Quit smoking daaa... I'm against the anti-tobacco drive

Doctors & Chemists

2009-06-27T04:30:00.006+05:30

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Go here.

INTRODUCTION

In today's world, buying medicines from a prescription slip is like delivering a steganographic letter. Even if you try to decipher it, you cant make out a single word. The best idea is to just hand it over to the chemist who knows the code and is the only guy who can crack it.

HISTORY

There have been incidents in history where an ignorant messenger has carried a letter containing the order for his own impalement. Times have changed. These days, a doctor's prescription can only instruct the chemist to screw the patient monetarily and that too should be only as much as he can bear and can come again for another round.

SPECULATIONS

We found that its quite possible that a doctor has struck a deal with the chemist... "I handle the complicated stuff and for the common stuff, I'll just send you a diagnosis in cryptic, and you give a medication you prefer, since it's too much for me to remember the remedy to all the diseases." The parallel to this phenomenon can be found in any college where two guys decide to cheat in an exam and either one crams up half the portion.

SUGGESTIONS/ALTERNATE PROFESSIONS

A doctor and the chemist who owns the shop just outside the clinic can be hired for secret services as a doctor written letter can only be cracked by the chemist so this is as good a message delivery system as any.

Doctors are our best shot at finding a cure for Alzheimers too. The obvious reason being that they are, after all, doctors. Another reason is that their handwriting can form the lowest level of comprehensible jots while creating a database. Get it? They are the threshold which separates Amitji (respect warranted) in Black and my thesis guide, making sense of whose scribblings consumed half the time I had allocated to my BTP (which was about 5 days, give or take 1), and who inspired me to carry out this extra curricular research work.

Ya.. I knwo teh lsat wrod in teh prveoius praa was mis-splet but taths dyslexia, not Alzheimer's...

RECOMMENDATION

On a serious note, I recommend that it be made mandatory for Doctor's to start using a notepad with grids and write one letter in each cell. I have seen a doctor doing that and it works.

REFERENCE

A few prescription slips.

The Ex

2009-06-26T15:23:00.019+05:30

I know we have split...
I know we are over..
Had to happen one day...
It couldn't last forever...

Some time it will take,
to move on I thought...
Was I stupid but,
having not another one sought???

While I was reminiscing,
and thinking you felt the same way,
You were looking at a new sunshine
and were busy making some hay...

Did it take much to replace me?
or just a heartbeat and a blink???
Do you ever think of me,
when you are with him???

Another lesson that life has taught,
another lesson that I have learned...
Never promise exclusivity there,
never in a cup of tea, get your heart burnt..

Prologue: Achal a.k.a. Item found a new tea partner, after going steady with me for over 2 years... Understandably, I'm heart-broken...

Time to leave..

2009-06-26T05:13:00.006+05:30

It's time to leave
This ain't a summer-break..
I am an engineer now,
an IIT Madras make..

No more profs,
no more classes,
No morelit-soc,
or scroeter clashes...

Nobody will be a macha
Nor will anyone be maroing pain
Arbit stuff shall now have order,
but I won't be known by my nickname...

Will be online always,
there wont be an internet ban...
but won't watch any sitcoms,
u see, there's no LAN...

No longer a cycle, bus,
or a long distance walk...
No KG, Tarams or Vels
no more a tea in the haze of smoke...

It's time to leave,
and time to say adieu,
it's sad, but thank God,
We'll have better girls to woo...

Viva

2009-06-23T18:01:00.002+05:30

So... I am an engineer now.. well.. hopefully... gotta wait till tomorrow to know for sure...
I submitted my thesis and went through the viva which went surprisingly well... I intended to reminisce about my days here but now i figure i have already done that in my blog.. So what do i write about???

I pulled off a real fast one... perhaps the fastest one this year... less said, the better..
My thesis/report??? full of typos and other mistakes.. if i remember correctly, even the values dont match up and the code has a mistake too...

My room seems to be burying under dirt and dust for the last one month and my resolve to hasten the process only gets harder as final goodbye approaches...

I'm hooked to hitman these days..lets see how long it lasts...

Next mission... job hunt...

and oh... i also need to write the concluding part of this poem. hang on people, it will come and i can assure u its not worth the wait.. as if anything ever is...

Its time now i guess... time to grow up and start talking bout serious stuff when u dont have time to discuss the little intricacies of life... where u will be too busy to wonder why should a cricket team not have a kung fu fighter as the 12th man and make him field often. A school of thought says that they would raise the bar higher. This comes from a man who is himself an expert at kung fu movies and has spent majority of his time here downloading them and for me, his views on the subject are final...

Anyway.. its time to hit a general...
so long.. n thanks for all that was fishy...

Acknowledgement

2009-06-19T22:34:00.008+05:30

I would like to express my gratitude to all those who helped me to complete this project successfully. Firstly, I want to thank my guide Dr. R.S. Verma for trusting me with this project. It is his unique approach of guidance that helped me in finishing this work successfully. At every stage in the project, he was always there to help and guide me through it.

I would like to extend my gratitude towards our HOD, Dr. K.B. Ramachandran for his flexible and understanding approach towards the students. I am grateful to the entire faculty of the department and otherwise, under whom I had the privilege to study and learn during the past 4 years.

At this moment I would like to thank the 'BT Gumbal', Achal, Deepak, Ujwal and the rest who helped me with my academics and were always willing for a round of tea at the most unlikely hours, an experience I am unlikely to forget.

A note of thanks is also warranted for Satyan, Sajal and many more friends, seniors and juniors in my hostel who stood by me through thick and thin for 4 years, and supported me immensely through the course of this project. I would also remember the fun times and the meals at nocturnal hours with Pratik, Anshul, Saurabh and Ravi while I worked on the project.

I am also obliged to Piyush, Kanishk, Shivangi, Rachit, Suhani, Swapnil and Himanshu for being my support outside these walls and keeping me calm and compose during difficult times.

I am deeply indebted to my family for being patient with me, for their unflinching faith and encouragement during the hard times and their support during the good ones.

Last but not the least, I pray to the Almighty to be as forgiving and caring for me as it has been for all these years.

ASHUTOSH BIHANI
BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY
IIT MADRAS
CHENNAI

and now a joke that was cracked a long time back:

Someone: We had a surprise quiz today

Me: how was it?

Someone: well, it surprised me...

A letter to Nandita

2009-05-25T19:21:00.008+05:30

Dear Nandita,

Let me begin by saying that I have been a fan of your work ever since I watched 1947 Earth. Your performance was stunning and has been so in all the movies you have acted in. You bring a certain 'believability' to your character and they are amazingly easy to relate to.

Your direction brought out the same in each frame and riding on the formidable cast, every scene seemed,oh so real. The thing that actually disturbs me was the subject and its treatment.

What happened was horrible and there's no denying that. But it also seems to be a safe bet for debut, given your CV. Who wouldn't expect you to make a sensitive movie about the wrongs of our society. But should it really have been the topic? It happened long back and honestly,insensitive as it might sound, I don't want to be reminded of that.

I had hoped that you would deliver a certain 'other perspective'. But there was none. It was just about the cruelty on the Muslims and the way they coped with them.
I do agree that the portrayal is startling. Specially the scene where a nonchalant Paresh Rawal asked his brother if he enjoyed raping women and they both chuckle. Also the last scene where a 'aam hindu' just kills an unsuspecting man running away from the police by dropping a huge slab on him.

All through this, some questions beg to be asked. Why is Sanjay Suri's friend so insensitive? Why is Nasser ignorant of the happenings while his man friday is continuously bickering and nagging? Above all, how did you forget to even make a fleeting reference to Mr. Modi and the Bhagva Brigade who we all hold responsible?

I think I have all the answers. What was shown completes the movie, arousing exactly the reactions from viewers you intended to. And if you had openly stated anyone as the culprit, the movie would have been in for a controversy which you surely did not want. You also might have lost revenues since the movie wouldn't be played in any part of Gujrat then.

To me it was a movie made only to draw tears and anguish and in that sense, I interpret it as a 'thinking man's K-serial. I so wish it were better than this. I so wish it had shown some stories which also had good people and was more than a depressing movie about the plight of a certain community. If you really were making a movie about real events, then why not one on the Mumbai blasts or 9/11 or the way muslims suffer due to a handful of Jehadis? Why did you not portray any character which could remind of us Oscar Schindler, which could give us hope?

But you played your cards well. No critic even dare pan a movie which has you in the director's seat and when the cast includes Paresh Rawal, Naseer, Deepti Naval and even Lillette Dubey because these are the people who have been keeping cinema in touch with reality for decades now. To me it was a great piece of work but mediocre by your standards.

yours sincerely,
Ashutosh Bihani

Update: she replied... although it was only 2 statements n said something like u r free to have ur views...

Railway station

2009-05-16T18:24:00.001+05:30

Today i realised that I am most relaxed and perhaps happiest at a railway station.. Lost in a sea of people, everyone judging you by your clothes, luggage, looks, accent n ticket but you don't care.. Through The uncertainty of getting on the wrong train or missing one, i am always sure of reaching my destination, sometimes in general compartment, sometimes talking it through with the tte n at a few other times letting money do the talking. The latter has been rare as initially i was careful to get a ticket and lately i just dont bother to carry enough.. I have never been a chatty guy so the journey in itself gives me time to ponder, to let my thoughts run with the only interruption being the frequent cups of tea.. Amazing experience this, on a train, without a ticket and less than sufficient cash.. What's more, i neither have my uncle's address nor my atm card.. My dad will frown if he comes to know.. Good luck to me..

Written on my way to Nagpur...

The Democracy that India is

2009-04-23T05:26:00.003+05:30

As the assembly elections commence, I think about the past rulers of India and the vibrant democracy that India is.

It was centuries ago that the idea of a united India originated. Going by Hindu mythology, it was perhaps Ram who spread his rule over India with his Ashvamedh Yagya. That wasn’t so much of an empire as the respective kings only had to accept his supremacy but were free to rule their own kingdoms, but he was the only one to have had influence over the Deccan which would be left out until the British arrived.

The Mahabharat has references to almost all of India barring the South, where it only extends up to the Vindhyas. Although it was called Aryvarta but had a lot of independent and powerful kings. Then came the age of documented history where north India was united quite a few times under the Mauryas, Guptas and Asoka.

It was just before the Mauryan era that the Alexander dreamt to conquer the world and almost succeeded, leaving out only India. At this time a new ideology was coming to stage, propagated by a visionary called Chanakya, mentor to the great Chandragupta. It was this idea that has now become the hallmark of a free society. It is this idea that makes India different from its neighbours. It is this idea that has kept us safe from dictatorship. We call it democracy. Thank God that Chanakya happened.

After years of stagnation, we developed another quality; to revel in the past. I’m no expert but I believe it was during the period just before the Muslim attacks when it happened. The society was rotting, the caste system became oppressive and we were lagging behind the world on all the fronts. May be it was then that we started marveling our past because our present was grim and future looked bleak and the only way to feel good was to look at the sun that had risen long back.

The Muslims came with the sole purpose of looting our wealth and taking it back to their native lands. After a few such invaders, history made an exception and did not repeat itself as the Mughals arrived and decided to stay. Akbar ruled and knitted together an empire from an artwork that had been torn to pieces over the centuries. It was under Aurangzeb that the boundaries of Hindustan came closest to modern day India. He even tried to conquer the Deccan, spending the last 20 year of his life there but it proved to be a wild goose chase.

Then came the British who actually made the present day boundaries but eventually left splitting it up in two. They also reintroduced us to democracy, an idea that had been lost in the sands of time.

Since they left, we have always chosen our leaders, unlike most of our neighbours. It is perhaps this mindset that has kept us in a better state than the rest. Two years back an sms was doing the rounds stating that in a Hindu dominated nation, we have a Muslim president, a Sikh prime minister and the leader of the ruling coalition was born a Christian, a foreign one at that.

I just love the vibrant and sometimes foolish Indian democracy where we can’t seem to generate a consensus anymore and sometimes 3 MPs are enough to get you a Cabinet berth through a post-poll deal but it’s still better than having Taliban a mere 100 kms away from our capital. For that, I salute Chanakya as I believe that he seeded the concept of democracy in our culture and conscience.

Aarambh

2009-03-19T20:29:00.002+05:30

aarambh hai prachand
bole mastakon ke jhund
aaj jang ki ghadi ki tum guhaar do
aan baan shaan ya ki jaan ka ho daan
aaj ik dhanush ke baan pe utaar do

aarambh hai prachand
bole mastakon ke jhund
aaj jang ki ghadi ki tum guhaar do
aan baan shaan yaa ki jaan kaa ho daan
aaj ik dhanush ke baan pe utaar do
aarambh hai prachand

man kare so praan de
jo man kare so praan le
wahi to ek sarvshaktimaan hai
man kare so praan de
jo man kare so praan le
wahi to ek sarvashaktimaan hai

krishna ki pukaar hai
ye bhagwat ka saar hai
ki yudh hi to veer ka pramaan hai
kaurvon ki bheed ho ya
paandavon ka need ho
jo lad saka hai wohi to mahaan hai

jeet ki hawas nahi
kisi pe koi vash nahi
kya zindagi hai thokaron pe maar do
maut ant hai nahi
to maut se bhi kyun dare
ye jaake aasmaan mein dahaad do

aarambh hai prachand
bole mastakon ke jhund
aaj jang ki ghadi ki tum guhaar do
aan baan shaan ya ki jaan ka ho daan
aaj ik dhanush ke baan pe utaar do
aarambh hai prachand

ho daya ka bhaav
ya ki shaurya ka chunav
ya ki haar ka wo ghaav
tum ye soch lo
ho daya ka bhaav
ya ki shaurya ka chunav
ya ki haar ka wo ghaav
tum ye soch lo

ya ki poore bhaal par
jala rahe vijay ka
laal laal ye gulaal
tum ye soch lo

rang kesari ho ya
mridang kesari ho ya
ki kesari ho taal
tum ye soch lo

jis kavi ki kalpana mein
zindagi ho prem geet
us kavi ko aaj tum nakaar do
bheegati nason mein aaj
phoolati ragon mein aaj
aag ki lapat ka tum baghaar do

aarambh hai prachand

Best lyrics in a long time. Wish it were a poem in school books.

Aaj Fir

2009-02-24T20:11:00.002+05:30

aaj fir roshan hua chand...
aaj fir chandni mein jalna hoga...
aaj fir uthega dhuan..
aaj fir zakhmon ko sulagna hoga!!!

Narcissist Narmad

KJ: Didi Korea se aa rahin hain.. kuch mangana hai?

Sweetcarbine: 1-2 Chinki la sakti hain?

The dreaded question

2009-02-16T23:16:00.003+05:30

Tell me some thing about yourself....

Huh? What?

Ashutosh... ganganagar... mayo college... trumpet... IITM... trumpet... hockey... shaastra... saarang... JYW... Bangalore... friends... short tempered... shy... piscean... memories.. future plans... parents... 234... 492... 06/03...09/03... 9884... oman...

Who am I?

Introspection

2009-02-16T23:13:00.000+05:30

Introspection... that's something every religion endorses, every philosopher preaches and every man looks for. It ain't easy to be honest to yourself no matter how much we'd like to believe otherwise. More than honesty or truthfulness, I believe, it needs courage to face yourself, to be unbiased. It is supposed to do you and the people around you some good.

It so happened that a good friend recently decided to do the same. This certainly was a situation. He'd know think what he's doing, right , wrong etc. The problem as I saw it was, the changes it may bring in him and since 'no man is an island', the changes it'll bring unto us. I feel that your friends accept it the way you are and even when there are traits the express a disliking for, they do not want you to change one bit, for the better or worse. At least not in the 4th year of your engineering, when you know that this is the last sem and you can afford to be careless. Mostly because many of the obviously wrong habits are enjoyed the most. For instance: boozing, fagging, gaming etc.

Hence, my request to my good friend is to not be introspective at this juncture. The 11th hour is long gone.

Can he Run?

2009-02-07T12:10:00.006+05:30

He always said he chooses not to..
'bhaagna hi hota to olympics mein nahin hote?'

That's some food for thought.

In the past 3 and half years, I have seen him grow, horizontally. His belly has now become his trademark, his X- factor. If we had symbols for election contestants, his would have been his tyre.

Meanwhile, he also bought a bike and spoilt us too. I don't go out of institute if his bike is not available.Needless to say, the bike added more weight around his waist but took away equivalent from his pockets (ours too).

I still thought he is just lazy as all of us, to run. It wasn't so. I discovered that just a few days back.

It happened when four of us were walking back to hostel from main gate. We spotted a cycle, and nobody was around. Something should be done about it. You can't just let a poor cycle stand all alone and walk away. The cycle should be pulled out of boredom. Maybe we could arrange for some company.

Intuition said it would like a tree's company. Hence it was decided. We took it upon ourself to unite it with one. As we lifted the cycle to place it in the loving branches of the tree, we saw a shadow emerging from the stadium. 'Oye' he shouted, the common exclamation for all moods but we had little doubt about his state of mind.

As I scurried away, I could see a sprinter eager to break Bolt's record and a hulk following him. I looked back and saw our man still contemplating the benchmark evolutionary response, 'fight or flee with the tummy of a lady whose baby has been due for an year now'. I threw some expletives at him, which motivated him to cover 50 metres at a pace, marginally quicker than usual. Fortunately, the owner was more interested in tending to his cycle than hitting the punching bag.

BT Brutes

Panda writes on board: (Rg) V

Gochi: (Rg) V ki aag

Nelson: (Rg) V ki Laag = Log(RGV)

Breaks' Children

2009-02-01T22:52:00.004+05:30

When I used to get home after carrying my dad's briefcase all day long, my mother understandably would spend some time with me. If I tried to sneak away, I'd be called back on the pretext of making a million dollar business decision or drinking milk. Bottomline was that I had to sit for an hour with my mother every night.

After that, I'm sure it's the same with a lot of youngsters like me. Moms wants us to spend time them. But, at the same time, but little do we know that we are actually competing for her attention in a losing battle. How's the winner? Simple: Ekta kapoor. So we used to talk only when the field was clear, i.e., during a commercial break. But the soaps are to my mom like a body possessed by possessive soul, even though you can't see it, you know it controls the head. And that's how our conversations went:

Mom: How's college

Me: good

Mom: is that why u dont talk to us these often, so happy with ur life?

Me: ummm...errr...

Mom: sshhhhhhh.....
TV: 'vo tumhari nahin karan ki biwi hai. Jab bus ko aag lagi tab vo zinda bach gayi thi aur fir usne plastic surgery karva li.

3 close-ups and a break

Mom: how's college

Me: bad

Mom: is that why u have turned so silent these days? u dont even talk properly when i call

Me: err.. umm...

Mom: ssshhhhhh........

TV: Blah blah blah

Narcissist Narmad

Sweetcarbine: Girls having periods just shows how big a sadist god is.

P.S.: A friend of mine is actually convinced that his cessarian was scheduled during a break.

Game Theory

2008-12-24T19:30:00.003+05:30

I was watching a saas-bahu drama yesterday where the whole family is good, but for one selfish man. This man is not a villain in its real sense as he does not want to harm people around him but he is just selfish, looking to serve his own purposes, not caring about others. Bingo, the game theory is in action again.

If a group of individuals looks after one another, they will all benifit and prosper more than what they could do individually. Now, if there's a black sheep, a selfish dog, in that group, he/she will gain more than the rest as long as his/her true character is veiled from the rest.

This, I think can be extrapolated to any walk of life. There is always the possibility of the one person gaining more, whenever a lots of people, united in principle, come together to save their collective asses. when I started writing this blog, I had lots of examples in my mind but my memory is fading faster than lights in a crunch cricket match where India is winning.

BT Brutes

Schlumdog: Yup, sup?

Ashutosh: mup, pup

Schlumdog: ah gupshup
now chup chup

Keeping the Faith

2008-11-30T17:34:00.007+05:30

I'm writing after a long time and for the first time, I.m writing to remember the blues I'm dealing with. Placement season starts tomorrow. But that seems so insignificant. I want a job to get a good life and I'm duly preparing for it. But today, I felt a hint of fear going to Ascendas. This can't be the definition of a good life, can never be. I get scared easily and especially scared of unreasonableness and there can nothing be more unreasonable than Mumbai.

They have made life so cheap, so worthless. I could accept succumbing to illness, dying in an accident. But now I'm supposed to prepare myself to take bullets too. Even a planned murder is better. That scares me. The feeling of living in constant fear, the pain, the angst. No matter what you earn, this cannot be a good life.

I want to feel that my biggest fear would be my boss or my dad, or a needle, not some gun-totting nuts who are beyond reason. My Dad always tells me to keep away from fools, but what do you do when these brain-washed idiots come shooting at you, thinking it's for a noble cause. I wish there was a way out, I wish innocence wasn't lost. I wish kids of 5 didn't know the meaning of grenades.

I'm holding on to faith. The faith that this is the darkest hour and beyond it, there's only light. I hope my faith survives.

This poem, and a song by Lata Mangeshkar are good for the mind:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

P.S.: I wanted to end it with another stupidly hilaious comment by a friend but this just isn't the time.

Rain

2008-10-24T17:28:00.003+05:30

this day needs to be remembered...
For the rain...
For the fag...
n for the run in the rain to the tea stall, getting drenched and the water splashing, ala, hajmola promo long back...
:)

PS: the day ended with a fenny and a hilarious 1 hr at ccd

The Orange Dilemma

2008-09-26T21:29:00.003+05:30

Fact 1: Orange juice is my favourite
Fact 2: At most juice shops, I find 'kinnu' masquerading as orange
Fact 3: Kinnu grows only in Ganganagar and nearby areas

I begin... Every time I'm going through a menu to order myself a juice, my eyes pause at orange for a moment and then continue. I almost never order orange juice, though it's my favourite. And no, it's not because it's about Rs. 3 costlier than most other juices.

The story goes like this. My grandpa owns a small piece of land and grows kinnu there. Ever since I was a kid, I have been blissfully enjoying the sourest fruit in the orange family. As I grew up, so did my love for orange/kinnu.

I used to savour the fruit whenever I was home because I was convinced I wouldn't find it anywhere. So I was happily gulping down orange juice in Chennai and sipping on kinnu juice in Ganganagar.

All was going fine until one fateful day, when I noticed a cartoon outside Gurunath, with the words 'King's kinnu' printed on it. The name sounded familiar. I went to have a closer look. To my surprise, it had a Ganganagar address on it. It might very well have been the company my grandpa sells his fruits to, I reasoned. So, by extension, extrapolation and some imagination, I ended up paying for the kinu owned by me. Interesting.

I then started noticing many such boxes all over the place. Result? I no longer order orange juice. Irrational? Imagine you were the CEO of Pepsi. Would ypu ever ever pay for a pepsi?

Narcissist Narmad:

Sweetcarbine: The only selfless love exists between a dog and a man. Not even a woman, cos dogs have been reported to be attracted to them.

The old man n' the elephant part-1

2008-09-09T19:21:00.002+05:30

123rd Page

2008-09-09T18:50:00.002+05:30

Tagged by: Twilight Fairy, 2 months back

The rules: Pick up the nearest book. Go to page 123. Find the fifth sentence. Post the next three sentences. Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you.

" Michael spoke quickly. 'You've read about my father in the papers. You've seen that
there's no one here to guard him. Now I've just gotten word some men will come in to the hospital to kill him.' "

Shame on you if you don't know where this is from.

I-day trip

2008-08-17T16:47:00.002+05:30

I-day...
3 bikes..
Dutch fort..
shit on the wall..
TTDC..
Kayak..
1 monkey n 2 dogs...
towel cum lungi...
Lunch@mahabs
Bike on the beach...
stuck tyre..
The programmable man..
SNS..
Purple shell..
Cigar..

The Card

2008-06-06T16:41:00.002+05:30

He seemed to be a nice guy. Tall, well-dressed and against the fad, clean-shaven and close cropped. We were on a train from Bangalore to New Delhi, 1st class. I because it had been a long dream to travel in 'that' coach and he because he claimed to be inching towards depression, thanks to his hectic life and wanted some time off.

During the course of conversation, we realised that we are involved in the same industry and that it would be a good idea to engage in some business. Over the next two days, we explored options and possibilities for some sort of an alliance. He seemed pretty excited but I was circumspect about working with a rookie with no recognised track record.

Anyhow, we exchanged cards before heading our separate ways. Once done with what I had come to do, I decided to call upon him, at his place, which was in the vicinity of the place where I was stationed. I located his apartment easily and rang the bell. Five minutes passed and I rang the bell again. He opened the door and showed me in. Once inside, he apologised for the delay and reasoned that he didn't expect me to show up so early and was just finishing terminating the actual inhabitants of the apartment, the same fate, he conceded, I was headed for. Murky sense of humor, I remarked. " I never joke", he quipped and revealed a pistol which was, till now, hidden in his pocket.

While stuffing my mouth up, he told me how he always stole visiting cards along with other belongings and used the ones from his last catch to trick his subsequent victims and that he was now headed to Bangalore to shoot my family down because he was expecting a visitor there soon.

Friday Evening

2008-04-12T13:40:00.003+05:30

The plan...
The lime...
The shooters and the shots, with Khakhra
The sober guy...
Shortage of cash...
Blabbering on a bean-bag..
The walk to a closed ccd...
Taking a leak inside...
The hot weather...
The topless parade...
The embarrassed 0..
The grub and the crash...

aaj fir

2008-03-15T00:14:00.001+05:30

aaj fir roshan hua chand...
aaj fir chandni mein jalna hoga...
aaj fir uthega dhuan..
aaj fir zakhmon ko sulagna hoga!!!

Elections

2008-03-12T17:27:00.004+05:30

Elections are over... Results are out...
As always,Some won some lost...

I am in my 3rd year n all the ppl contesting were n 3rd or 4th yr... I personally know most of the contestants, some of them being good frnds... That, plus the fact the fact that ppl around me are considered influential, I was involved more than a layman..

I want to write about everything.. but right now I'm emotionally charged and the fact that the guys I was with, lost, doesnt put me in a place to write.. Glad that its over.. Time to move on from whatever happened..Trying to, will do... Lets now hope that the new executive wing outperforms their predecessors... Congratulations to the winners..

P.S.: I wont forget the fight on the night before elections, felt so good after that.. I thank the ppl who gave me this opportunity to stand by what i believed in n by my friends...

BT brutes

Akhil: “BJ(our new HAS) will suffocate. Thr’s no girl in his lab grp”

The Cat

2008-02-05T13:47:00.000+05:30

This story goes back to the era of 'once there was...'

Once there lived a sage who was very popular and had a large following. The sage himself lived a simple life, devoting all his time to prayer and meditation. In all his discourses, he emphasised on rational thinking and breaking free from dogma. He encouraged people to question the age old practices and follow them only if they were satisfied with the thought behind them. Like every great thinker, his preachings were also written down, word for word, by his followers, which became the holy text of the sect, after the sage kicked the bucket.

In the later years of his life, a colony of mice formed in his cottage due to the availability of food there, brought in as gift for him by the people of his sect. He started finding it difficult to meditate with all the mice running around. As a solution to this, he brought a cat and started tying it near him while he was meditating. He continued tying the cat there till he lived. His successor wished to keep everything the way the sage had left and so the cat now watched the successor meditate. After a few more years, the cat died. Another one was brought in to replace it.

After many replacements of either of the coexisting species in the room, one from the wiser breed happened to question the reason for the other species' presence during meditation. Since there was a question, an answer had to be found, according to the holy text, as abandoning the practice was unthinkable. The wise ones of the sect tried looking for it. When they could find none, it was decided to add a chapter to the holy text, explaining the importance of having a cat in the vicinity during meditation.

Narcissist Narmad

" What did I do to deserve this" - The cookery contest judge, after tasting Ashtung & Bhalla's dish...

Interestingly, cooking wasn't allowed in the cookery contest held during Saarang '08

Saarang

2008-01-29T00:23:00.000+05:30

And hence, another Saarang ends, 3rd for me...

The 1st one led me to believe that Saarang was overhyped, made to look more glamorous than it really is... The 2nd one strengthened the belief and I wasn't looking forward to this one...

Things turned out to be different though... For numerous reasons, this has been my best Saarang. To begin with, their was never any dearth of coupons, just like the past 3 fests. I attended workshops. Participated in Antakshari, Stood 4th in queen of Sheeba, hoping to win it next year though. Not to forget the dish we made, well not me technically, which the judge tasted and said, "what the hell did I do to deserve this?"

My post in Saarang required me to attend all the pro-shows, and sometimes, maintain order. It also gave me a chance to show-off, roaming around in OAT with a coord-badge hanging from my jeans pocket, and a walky-talky in my hand, which got a few jealous and used to become a toy as soon as the shows ended. Finally got into a heated argument on the last day, thank god for that.

The food served at Saarang village was good, better than any of the other stalls. I liked the kulfi in particular, and mannn, the joy of having a pan in Chennai.

Good Bye Saarang... Hope you come up with even better stuff next time

Narcissist Narmad

Theory (on the walky-talky): Roger come in... Come in Roger

Taali: Abe Taali here.. Ye Roger kaun hai

The Man n his Fantasies

2008-01-11T18:23:00.000+05:30

Need I say more?

In case you haven't figured out who he is, he is the most prolific blogger in the insti who right now sports a hairdo, I'd kill for and has many more material achievements to his name...

n of course...

Quintessential QT

BB: Bhajji must have said 'maa ki' to Symonds, not monkey...

Signal

2008-01-02T17:47:00.000+05:30

RED LIGHT

BREAD-LIGHT

New Year

2008-01-01T15:55:00.000+05:30

Another happy new year... another excuse to party all night...

Well I wasnt in the mood and so I didn't...A friend calls up to wish me a happy new year, n ask how I celebrated... I said I did nothing, wasn't in the mood... He was shocked, speechless... "you did not celebrate new year?"... Yes, I said... I guess he still can't get to terms with it, although he's known me for like 5 years now....

I have never really understood the concept of new year the way people take it. People who are dying to obtain a foot's space at a happening place on the new year's eve, and see no point in celebrating a week later with reasonable space for the whole body... 07 becomes 08... what else... nothing changes, really. If at all there were to be a meaningful new year, I think it should be the 1st of April, financial new year. That, I believe is the only time when the last year is summarised. Of course, it's a new year for students too as they move to the next yr, well, most of them. The irony being that day celebrated as the fool's day. Life is funny...

Perhaps I'm not as detached from all this setup because I did try and explore some options. It did not work out because of the prices everywhere, which I'd pay only if I were desperate, and the assumption that every place would be flooding with people. I thought I could easily postpone the party, making it cheaper and less crowded.

Anyway, I hope this year turns out to be better than last year for you

Happy new year...

P.S.: I know I'm self-righteous

Narcissist Narmad

While shopping in lifestyle,

Ashtung: Look at the love-birds (pointing at a couple walking in front, cuddling up way too much)

Satyan: These are the kind of people who star in the 'guntur cyber cafe porn' on LAN

For the Honour

2007-12-08T15:57:00.002+05:30

They say it's impossible
one against many
But for their thought
all i have is a penny

A line divides it through,
broad and clear
The brave are on one side
fools lie on the other

I never had stood up
cowardice was all I had
This time I'll redeem myself
of all the guilt I possessed

Now I fear not
for I know I'm right
I know I'll lose
but not without a fight

They battle begins
I thwart 'em all
I take one blow after 'nother
fighting bravely, until I fall

I keep getting up,
to face the slew
for every blow they give,
I match with two

No divine intervention occurs,
this ain't no ancient lore
no one comes to help
I am a warrior lone

I will keep battling
till my strength hold
till my heart feels the pride,
until my body goes cold

It's for that honour,
which I always sought
Just like the heroes
in the tales I was taught

BT Brats

Gochi: Donald duck never wears pants, but always wraps around a towel when shown after a bath

Heights

2007-11-26T16:07:00.001+05:30

Two friends meet
after a time long,
to dept. maths
the geniuses belong

Both arrogant, both proud
they have a fight
who is smarter,
who is more bright

A test they shall have,
which will, the answer decide
To find anyhow, anyway,
a flagpole's height

One pelted stones
on the tip of the post
His equations, his idea
God only knows

The other measured the distance
between the post and him
A compass and some nods now
telling the angle between the bottom and tip

A frustrated engineer
decides to cut short the day
lays the pole on ground
scales it with a measuring tape

One says to the other
ignore him, another confused child
telling us the length,
when we are looking for height...

BT Bards

Deepak: Hello, pizza hut, I want 2 pizzas, blah, blah, blah...

Attendant: Ur address pls

Deepak: room no 120, tapti hostel, iit

Attendant: Sir, could u repeat the address pls...

Deepak: ......., iit madras, adyar, near...

Attendant: Sorry sir, you have called the Hyderabad outlet

The luck factor

2007-11-24T10:45:00.000+05:30

"It's not only about hard work or intelligence, luck counts too. And you are fortunate to get in."

Every time I have achieved anything , I have been given this 'gyaan', from people who think they can double as philosophers in their spare time. Oh, I'm sure you all too must have tasted this. Crediting my achievements to anyone, even God, more than I give them credit for, angers me, apart from provoking other emotions belonging to the same family.

Living in a socialised world, we are not expected to express our opinion freely, lesser so on ourselves, which by the way, is also the case with a socialist society, making them quite similar. Ironical, and hence laughable for my sad sense of humour.

I have two kinds of responses for such people

The first one is for those who have passed the 'age barrier' and do not need any other qualification to shed some of their wisdom. Here, I just throw a smile, as polite as I can and nod.
Sometimes they keep rambling on about the luck factor in life but I would have found something else to keep me, realising that usually they don't even care whether or not I'm listening.

The second kind is the one born after 'Sholay', but feel that they have accomplished/seen enough in life to earn the post of a philosopher. Unfortunately, they are usually right and I, like others, respect them for more than just the age difference between us.

Ideally, my reaction here should also be the same but somehow, blame it on my genes, that doesn't happen. I invariably blurt out, " I don't believe in luck. It's just my hardwork that paid off" . This is followed by the done to death cliche' " aajkal ke ladke" or " isliye bachchon ko hostel mein nahin bhejna chahiye".

I must learn to keep shut in situation no. 2 as well. Once people know that they have achieved something in life, they turn conservative rather early.

Quintessential QT

Anon QT member: I'm not a gay

Phantom: No u r not. you can fuck anything that moves...

The OSO Effect

2007-11-20T13:14:00.000+05:30

1 o' clock. I just tucked myself in bed when the phone rang.

Me: Hi...well.. surprised me

R: Hi

Me: wassup, hows life

R: hmmm.. Good, how r u... what u doin?

Me: m fine too... was watching OSO.

R: aren’t you sleeping ?

Me: just about to.

R: I too watched OSO n… cant sleep now...

Me: c'mon, it wasn’t that funny... wasn’t that bad either, in case u didn’t like it

R: no it was nice... but i'm...i'm...(pause)

Me: I am?

R: scared...

Me: what??!!

R: I usually don get scared da..

Me: HAhhah

R: I watched horror English movies... just that Indian movies kinda scare me more…

Me: ha ha ha... ha ha ha...

R: m serious.. Don’t laugh.. It’s not funny

Me: ha ha ha ha..... now I can truly say that OSO has all the masala...

R: bad boy… It’s not like that.. It seems more possible that’s all.. bhoot n all..

Me: oh... ha ha ha ha ha ha...imagine that once there lived a girl in your room, who committed suicide…

R: Shut up da… I m really scared…

Me: ….jumping off the roof... ha ha ha

R: m shit scared alright?.. I dint call u to scare me anymore

Me: … and that her body is still buried where she fell, 5 mts from your room... tonight, she...

I hear a sob and then, Beep. Phone disconnected

Epilogue:

I laughed till my stomach hurt, n then laughed some more... took me 20 mins to calm down... then tried calling back… number busy... tried calling… wouldn’t take my calls… took another 20 mins I guess just to call it truce and apologize…

Well I won't offer any explanation, only that I’m sorry. Didn’t know it was serious enough to drown someone to tears… HahHhahaha OSO of all the movies… Hhahahaha…

BT Bards

Ashtung: I'm a stud.

Sass: oh yeah?...Then I'm the Abhishek Bachchan who's about to get into bed with Aishwarya

Lage raho Shit-car-bhai-ne

2007-11-17T16:57:00.000+05:30

Now that sweetcarbine too has decided to venture into the territory called blogging, I'm assured of appearing regularly on at least one blog other than mine, no matter how much I'd hate to. Then I think, if I tread with some care and choose my subjects with a tad more wisdom, I can avoid his attention for a bit longer. On an afterthought, I say, "who cares". How long can the game hide from the hunter, specially when the hunter peeps into the hiding at least twice a day, and sometimes sleeps with the game too, after feasting on it. By sleep, I mean only sleep and not 'sleep'. I might be game, but I am a straight one, no foul plays.

In a way, it's good for me too. Now since the world is there to listen to him, even if they decide never again, after having being fooled into it for the 1st and only time, I can hope for some sympathy coming my way, having been one of his very few victims for over 2 years now. Oh I just hope this will put a marginal hold to his tendency of falling asleep on my mattress while doling out his 'gyaan' with people in general and me in particular.

Hence on, whenever I'd want to sleep, my bed will be free, but lonely as well :P

Alvidaaa.... lolmaxxx :))

P.S. : @sweetcarbine: dude, nobody cares about the things u will or wont blog about... get a life mannn

Narcissist Narmad

Ashtung: "What secret can a girl hold about a guy, even the thought of revealing which, scares the guy to death?"

Sweetcarbine: "That he is impotent?"

Take a Stand

2007-11-16T09:52:00.000+05:30

What is common between X-Men, Matrix and LOTR?

1. They all have fictional characters and a fantasy land.

2. Although all of them are based on the age-old 'good beats evil' idea, they are a tad grey for fairytales

3. They are amongst my fav movies

Of the 3, 2 are recognised as pieces of art, ranking among the best 50 movies of all times. They have everything in them that makes a movie great. But for me, X Men too is a favourite, despite the fact that it lacks in every dept. as compared to the other two.

What fascinates me in these movies equally is the climax. It ain't as much the direction or the script. It's just the idea. A few standing against a few too many. They fight for what they believe in. They fight, knowing that their chances are slim. They fight, knowing that they will lose, which is very close to what I feel when face such situations, albeit, not nearly as fatal.

Situations, where I either stand up for my beliefs and end up losing, or just keep mum, saving my ass. I have gone either ways, at different times. Usually I have benefited when I compromised and hurt myself when I stood up. Although keeping mum has helped, I have always felt a pang of guilt, as big or small as the situation, doing that. On the other hand,when I choose not to compromise, I have felt a sense of pleasure in standing my ground. No matter how much it hurt me, it has always come with a smile on my face and pride in my heart.

Interestingly, I tend to forget the situations where I compromised but can accurately recall, with a smile, the times when I did not bend.

Hobbes(from calvin & Hobbes): " You should be adamant when you can be, and compromise when you must"

P.S.: I have thought of attaching a quote by me or peers in every blog hence. Here's the 1st one

BT bombs

Gochi: Gurunath ke puff mein adrak kyun hoti hai
Ashtung: taki bandar na kha saken :D

Botal ka naach (transliteration)

2007-11-14T00:56:00.000+05:30

Me: nasha sharaab mein hota to naachti botal

Achal:
jo hota nasha sharaab mein, to hote nashe mein dhutt,
kuch is kone mein kuch us kone mein, botal ke anshbhoot

fir na hoti tumhari botal,
na hi hota botal ka naach

Me:
Jo na nache botal nashe mein dhutt
To kya ud ke pahunche kone kone mein ashbhoot

Na botal nashe mein,
na nasha sharaab mein
Ye to zariya hai milane ka
Insaan ko rooh-o-rubaab mein

Jab khush hota hai banda mera,Nachta hai lekar haath mein pyala
Jab hota hai vo gum mein choor,
Toote dil jaise tootati hai botal,
Phailte hain kone kone mein anshbhoot

Ilzaam fir aata hai sharaab par,
Nahin lagata tohmat koi kyun,Dil todne vale husn-e-shabaab par

Achal:
Humne jawaab maanga to na tha,
apne diya, aapki rahmat hai

बोतल का नाच

2007-11-14T00:53:00.001+05:30

Me: नशा शराब में होता तो नाचती बोतल

Achal:
जो होता नशा शराब में,
तो होते पड़े नशे में धुत्त बोतल के अशभूत,
कुछ इस कोने में तो कुछ उस कोने में,
फिर ना होती तुम्हारी बोतल और ना ही होता बोतल का नाच

Me:
जो न नाचे बोतल नशे में धुत्त
तो क्या उड़ के पहुंचे कोने कोने में अश्भूत
न बोतल नशे में, न नशा शराब में
ये तो ज़रिया है मिलाने का
इंसान को रूह-ओ-रुबाब में
जब खुश होता है बन्दा मेरा,
नाचता है लेकर हाथ में प्याला
जब होता है वो गम में चूर,
टूटे दिल जैसे टूटती है बोतल,
फैलते हैं कोने कोने में अश्भूत
इल्जाम फिर आता है शराब पर,
नहीं लगता तोहमत कोई क्यों
दिल तोड़ने वाले हुस्न-ए-शबाब पर

Achal:
मैंने जवाब तो न माँगा था
आपने दिया, आपकी रहमत है