To add a li'l spice

T-20 is hurting cricket. Ravi Shastri and Ramiz Raja, more so. We need technically sound batsmen and persistent bowlers for the survival of Test cricket. To regenerate interest in the ball-by-ball detail, we need someone who can call a shot something other than a tracer bullet. I long for the day when a really irritable cricketer comes to fore and makes the game and the equally long post-match proceedings a bit entertaining. I hope the Messiah arrives soon to defeat the devil called Danny Morrison and delivers us from those boring to the point of suicide inducing post match ceremonies. In fact, I have day-dreamt it so many times that I have a script of that hour of reckoning. In my imaginations, this is how it goes:

I: Congratulations. You played a great knock today when your team was reeling at 18/3 in 5 overs.
C: Gee thanks. I didn't know the score when I walked in. Next time, I'll call you up to tell me.

I: So your team was under a lot of pressure when you walked in.
C: To tell you the truth, I was cursing those 3 morons who threw away their wickets and forced me to come in. At that point, I was talking to this real hot chick and had to break off the conversation mid-way.

I: Err... I mean cricket-wise.
C: Well nothing. Like I said, I didn't even know the score until you told me. I was just thinking to spend a few minutes, get out and resume my conversation with that chick and even tried that twice. But the fielding team cannot even catch a cold, let alone a catch.

I: And the way you got Sehwag out. Was it a plan?
C: Oh yes, why not. I bowled the full-toss precisely because I knew Sehwag will try to hammer it out of the park but will get an edge. Didn't work for the first 4 deliveries but worked the 5th time :D

I:So do you think 187 is a compatible total in this match.
C: No. Absolutely not. The way we are bowling and fielding, even you can score that much.

I:So you have any plans for SRT?
C: Actually we do. After every boundary he hits, the bowler will go near him and burst in to tears while the rest of the team will be praying hard. Hopefully, SRT's heart will melt and he will throw his wicket.

I: Why do you think you lost the match after coming so close to victory?
C: Oh you don't know??? I had fixed this match and had planned to get out after putting my team in a winning position. Next time, call me before the match and may be I could help you to make a few bucks.

I: Thank you, cricketer. It was a pleasure to speak to you.

C: Yes, now that you have had your pleasure, may I go back to that hot chick?

N. Srinivasan sets an example

In the latest development over mismanagement of funds in IPL, N. Srinivasan, BCCI's president-elect has pleaded ignorance to all the wrong doings. In a statement to the parliament's standing committee, he declared, " "We were taken for a ride. I know we cannot plead before you that we did not know all this was happening. Your question would be, were you not vigilant? What did you do? I am sorry, sir, there is no defence for me. No defence in front of you. So, I am not pleading that [ignorance] at all. We just put our heads down."

Like a sympathetic school teacher who's been there, done that (and possibly much more), the standing committee is understood to have understood his situation and gave him a, errr..., standing ovation for his honesty.

Taking a leaf out of his IPL boss' book, MSD has admitted to having no idea about his own batting or the game at large. "I can't really pin point the problem on this tour. I admit it's all been happening under my nose, but I think the time has come to confess that I do not understand the game at all. I treat it as a stress-buster between my advertising assignments you see, a hobby, you might call it", declared Dhoni with a broad grin.

In a totally unrelated incident, the students from the most premiere technical institute from southern India staged a demonstration calling for an end to the undue burden resulting from hailing them as la crème du pays. "If we were so good, we would be working on tech-projects in stead of investing our time and the govt's grants in Counter-Strike, Dota, How I met your mother or IMDB top 100. Calling us technocrats deters the JP Morgans and Deustche Banks which offer us our dream jobs. I hereby appeal to the aspirants and the awed to quit touting us as the smartest technical brains and let us apply peacefully for jobs with fat pay-cheques and which involve complicating financial data even further and bear no correlation, whatsoever, to our graduation". Thus commented CKSR Janardan Reddy, a student of Electrical Engineering, who hopes to be the reason behind the next financial meltdown.

Hating the state

A bomb blast today rocked the nation,

All we could hear was condemnation.

When an earthquake later shook the land,

Our mood still remained bland.

No concern for those who were hurt,

No remorse for those reduced to dirt.

Making statements is all the govt. does,

Even we are too busy updating an fb status.

The next bomb could be beside you or someone close,

Would you do the same if that one explodes?

The deceased reduced to jokes on the internet,

I'm sorry but I don't quite see the humanity in that.

I would rather see people full of hate.

hating the terrorists and hating the state.

People looking at the country with rage,

A rage deep enough to compel it to change.

A mere three weeks backs, united stood the nation,

Answering Anna's call against corruption.

The govt. is unwilling to fight terrorism too,

Is status updates all we can do?

Is he the next Gandhi?

Technically, all articles should start with an introduction of the issue. It's 6 AM, I haven't slept the whole night and am justifiably devoid of the patience to delve in to the background. So if you don't know the background already, please don't waste your time here.

Like 'Team Anna' has been claiming, there are many similarities between the two. Both are fasting to achieve something which the govt. of their respective times reluctant to gift-wrap and present to them. Both had a strong resume of social services before catching the nation's imagination. While Anna turned a poor village in to a model one, Gandhi did something similar during the time he spent in South Africa. Both took the route of non-violence to make their voices heard. And finally, both managed to get the rulers agree to their demands.

Small aberration that Anna actually beat up the youth in Ralegan Siddhi to set them straight. Well, you cannot preach to the hungry. Hence the use of force is justifiable to my mind. Adding to that, nobody would change their way of life for a fasting stranger. He resorted to more civil ways once he got the support of masses. And now when the hour of reckoning arrives, Anna is the poster-boy of the civil society. Lesson in strategy here.

Moving on to the present, the devil of a govt. has relented, Anna has his way and everything is sunshine and roses for India. Hail the new Gandhi.

If only he was not so much like Gandhi or Gandhi was as perfect as he's made out to be. Let's not talk about the Lokpal Bill for the time being. It has already been scanned and dissected more that those poor frogs in biology classes. Let's talk about the Satyagrahi power.

Now Gandhi, during his time, was the ultimate decision-maker in India. I would go as far as saying that he was a dictator for the little amount of time he lived in independent India. Every bill the parliament passed, every resolution the govt. undertook had to receive a nod by him. And if he deemed it wrong or unfair, it wouldn't see the light of day.

Read history deep enough and you will find many fundamental blunders made by the state of India and quite a few originated from one man-Gandhi. In case the ministers protested, he would use his ultimate weapon - threat of a fast. That's how Pakistan got their 40 crores at the time of partition. He was the father of the nation and the big daddy of Congress.

Now this created problems back then, as it does now. Without doubting the integrity and intentions of either, it is highly improbable that one man, that too those with a deeply ingrained sense of fairness, can do what's best for a nation. A saint can never run a grocery shop.

Gandhi used to say "A Satyagrahi always knows the right way." And it was only he who could judge all the qualities, the IQ or the fashion sense of an ideal Satyagrahi. It is more or less the same story 60 years later. Anna decides the members of the Civil Society, the date of enforcement for the bill and even the content of the same. For argument's sake, let's suppose we give Team Anna a free hand for drafting the bill. Now say, Kejriwal disagrees with Anna on some parts of it. What next? I can bet my oversized, overweight arse that Anna will force him out of the committee or threaten to on another hunger strike.

Not judging the JLP, but it is disturbing that we let one man enjoy so much power and but still strip with joy, blowing the trumpet of being the largest democracy.

The Bill

Before the respected Anna Hazare made that very public and widely publicised visit to Delhi, I had no clue about the Lokpal bill, like many others, I might add. He then staged a fast to get his voice heard and forced the government to include members of the 'civil' society in drafting the bill. The masses were behind him and he won.

The real problems arose when the government refused to accept some of his committee's suggestions to be included in the bill. (You could google for the major PoDs in the Jan Lokpal Bill, as it is popularly known, and the government's draft.) Angered by the government's lack of cooperation he and his team is up in arms against the high and mighty once again.

The bone of discontent seems to be the difference in scope of the two bills. The JLP tries to hold everyone, including the PM accountable while the government bill is content with being a watchdog for senior level officials. While I agree with the JLP on most issues, there are some points about the whole situation that worry me.

The first is sustainability. It is all based on the assumption that the members of the Lokpal committee will be clean as a whistle. In fact, the 1st committee might even be so just like the politicians in the 50s. But later on the power that the position grants them, is bound to corrupt some and may be all. Also, the assumption that the lokpal committee will be independent of political influence is far-fetched. It is India after all. Nothing is free from political influence here. And if the committee happens to be hand-in-glove with the government, it is as good as useless.

The other problem is the motive of the masses showing such solidarity. They are all against corruption no doubt but only when someone else does it. I don't think any of those supporters will think twice before greasing the palms of a traffic cops when they are caught jumping a signal. It is the always easier way out. To them, this is not a movement against corruption as such but only against the corrupt politicians. They are fine as long as the neighborhood ration-shop owner conveniently accepts gifts.

However, if I had a choice between the two, I'd always choose the JLP but with a humble request to Anna: Please bring in some regulations to ensure the incorruptibility of Lokpal members and please do not think Indians are as averse to corruption as is visible.

Dhoni decision unleashes a butterfly effect

The bizzarre case of Dhoni being given out by a wrong replay has sparked yet another controversy. The BCCI issued yet another statement wherein Sharad Pawar confirmed that he's received reports of food grain rotting in the open and is looking in to the problem. When reminded by the press about the issue at hand, he quipped, "the best way to protest against a wrong replay is by commenting on a different problem."

The goof-up has initiated a new method of marketing called counter-marketing and some companies are working overtime to conceptualise a full-fledged ad campaign based on the idea. While Ambuja Cement has decided to use the bikini-clad JK Cement model to drive customers away from JK Cement and hence towards Ambuja, Vodafone has decided to do away with its Zoozoo and air Dhoni's Aircel ads in a bid to encroach upon Aircel's customer base.

Last night, the CIA busted an Al-Queda plan to air old video clippings of Osama bin Laden to bluff the world in to believing that he's still alive. Upon questioning, the tape handler confessed, "If a video clip can fool a 3rd umpire hired by WICA, it can surely fool the CIA, innit?"

Meanwhile, the widespread use of the concept has landed the involved parties in a tussle over copyright ownership. Gregory Brathwaite, the officiating 3rd umpire is owning up to full responsibilty for the mistake and demanding full right, citing it as an unfortunate and avoidable accident which has ultimately proven to be fortunate as well as unavoidable for the emancipation of cricket in general and mankind in particular. The TV broadcasting agency too has staked its claimed for the rights declaring that they have been doing committing similar errors for a while now by airing wrong advertisements and programs. When asked, a spokesman explained, "We have hired highly untrained and underpaid professionals specifically for this job as nobody watches our channel anyway."

MS Dhoni claimed to be the victim of the fiasco and demanded to be compensated by way of copyrights and declared that he wont rest while sipping martinis on Barbados beach. An extremely enthusiastic reporter managed to peep in to an SMS sent to Shashank Manohar by him and could read the following words: wrong... sad... money... arm twist... WICA...ICC, before being hoicked away in the air by Dhoni in an ugly manner.

In the ongoing ICC meet, a new rule has been drafted by which a batsman can be given out based on the evidence of a previous delivery. Following the news, Cricket Boards across the globe have engaged in a bidding war over video clippings of a teenaged Sachin and Warne in his prime.

To my fellow IITians

A lot has been made of the recent suicide at IIT-M. As an alumnus, it really hurts to see the institute's name in the news for all the wrong reasons. It hurts even more when I see my friends squarely blaming it on the administration.

Yes. Someone took his own life. It is sad. But didn't we see 2-3 such cases and a few more attempts every year when we were there? Some were due to acads, some for not being able to get a good placement and some due to a failed love affair. How many times did we blame the administration back then? Deep down we always knew that it was a sad waste of life over something really not that important.

We wake up and start blaming the administration. Specially the remarks by the Dean. He is bad at PR, agreed. But that seems to inflame people more than the death itself. He screwed up alright but you cannot demand compassion. And frankly, for someone handling such cases every year, and a couple more attempts, compassion is a job hazard.

We blame the administration for being insensitive. But if his parents and closest friends did not get a hint of what was to come, how could the guys in administration know, to whom, he was just another student. It is all so easy to blame it on them because that takes the burden of truth off our shoulders. There is a so called guidance and counseling unit put together by the students whose priority job is to prevent such incidents. But the guys selected on the body are all due to political reasons and nobody cares enough to cleanse that up. Did the GCU take any blame for it? Has the GCU head offered to resign before asking the dean to do so? My guess is, he hasn't.

Too much academic pressure on students, we claim. Though I personally don't believe that, having graduated with a 7.5 without much effort but would we want the workload be reduced and result in quality dilution? The reason we cited to raise our voices against reservations. The U grades and extensions are part and parcel of the game and those are the reason we keep on our toes and put in just about enough effort to crawl to the dais on convocation.

The 'trend' of so many extensions handed out by one prof and 2 of those students taking their own lives is indeed worrisome and must be addressed but I have not seen the prof's name pop up even once in those endless threads on fb and e-mails. I feel we are aiming our guns in the wrong direction.

It would have been more relevant if the students had raised their voices against the administration when an unfortunate student lost his life on his birthday due to the sheer lethargy of medical staff. The 'admin' had the balls to blame it on birthday bumps. That was sad. And infuriating. Administration had failed there and did not take the blame. But we did nothing more than claiming condolences on facebook and gtalk. That was the time when the so called administration could have been shaken out out of its slumber. We missed it. And we retort when the fault lies more with us.