I'm writing after a long time and for the first time, I.m writing to remember the blues I'm dealing with. Placement season starts tomorrow. But that seems so insignificant. I want a job to get a good life and I'm duly preparing for it. But today, I felt a hint of fear going to Ascendas. This can't be the definition of a good life, can never be. I get scared easily and especially scared of unreasonableness and there can nothing be more unreasonable than Mumbai.
They have made life so cheap, so worthless. I could accept succumbing to illness, dying in an accident. But now I'm supposed to prepare myself to take bullets too. Even a planned murder is better. That scares me. The feeling of living in constant fear, the pain, the angst. No matter what you earn, this cannot be a good life.
I want to feel that my biggest fear would be my boss or my dad, or a needle, not some gun-totting nuts who are beyond reason. My Dad always tells me to keep away from fools, but what do you do when these brain-washed idiots come shooting at you, thinking it's for a noble cause. I wish there was a way out, I wish innocence wasn't lost. I wish kids of 5 didn't know the meaning of grenades.
I'm holding on to faith. The faith that this is the darkest hour and beyond it, there's only light. I hope my faith survives.
This poem, and a song by Lata Mangeshkar are good for the mind:
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."
P.S.: I wanted to end it with another stupidly hilaious comment by a friend but this just isn't the time.
