Wednesday 9 December 2009

10 Ways to have your way in India

1. Become Rich - Apart from making decisions effecting millions of lives, you can buy an IPL team and actually tell Sehwag how to play.

2. Be with a silver spoon born - This works great if you have billing issues with your mobile company. Just open one of your own. And if you are now getting the bills from your own company, you can do the following: spar over it with your brother so loud that neighbors hear everything. In the ensuing division of toys keep this one and then send the bill to your brother, just to teach him a lesson.

3. Become a movie (super) star - You can date the hottest of 'em, get away with hunting deer, running over people, doing shows for, politely put, questionable people and advertsing for Arindam Choudhary.
Caution : 'Super' is important; Shiney Ahuja is discovering that the hard way.

4. Be a star-son: You can start an acting career whenever you've run out of things to do or you can even marry a Miss World.

5. Become a cricketer: You can get a car imported without paying any duty or you can run for assembly elections. Just make sure people have forgotten about the irrelevant stuff like match-fixing or homicide charges. And blimey- You might even develop the guts to put India before Maharashtra despite being a Marathi living in Bombay... OMG...I'm terribly sorry.. It's Mumbai

6. Become a cricketer's son: Oops... This just came out with the flow. Not much good here, unless Rohan Gavaskar's lifestyle inspires you.

6. Become a gangster: This way, you can prepare the ground to become a politician, the benifits of which are described next.

7. Become a politician: Do I really need to explain this? You can also go down in history books as the one who reserved 27% of govt. seats to the disadvantaged, hence making the upper-caste born rue their lineage - an activity reserved for the reserved category before reservations came in to picture.

8. Become a politician's son: Apart from the obvious advantages of becoming a politician yourself, you can get away with doing cocaine and making headlines about it.

9. Declare yourself a Godman: You can claim others' land, indulge in nefariously sleazy activities and sit on a tiger's skin atop golden throne, while claiming to have renounced materialistic pleasures.

10.Fast-unto-death: This one is serious. Gandhi set a wrong precedent. In the first place, one man's principles cannot be more important than a nation's needs. And in today's world, with blind ambitions replacing principles, this is turning dangerous. One man can now ignite the whole of Andhra Pradesh.

Ways you might be tempted to take but shouldn't

11. Replace Manmohan Singh or YSR: They are at high and mighty positions but while the Reddy brothers have reined in YSR, MMS has been dutifully reporting to 'Madamji' since taking charge of India.

Bizarre Bihanis

Me(in a lot of pain): My wisdom tooth is erupting

Dad: YES!!! Thank God. I had given up hopes on you.

2 comments:

pratyu said...

I'm guessing only number 9 and 10 are unique to India! Even as you were probably writing this, it has been declared that the Telangana process shall be set in motion! There you go! sigh!

Ashtung said...

In their own ways, each of those is unique to developing nations...

I knew that Telangana will happen the day KCR announced the fast.. As I said, Gandhi set a wrong precedent...