The 3 idiotic things

Long time since I wrote because it's hard to write long essays on miniscule topics, given my attention span, and as a man not given to hard work, I give it a miss..

What do Americans have against their own culture? My guess is Inferiority complex. So many times have I seen movies where some less educated community is threatened by americans/english and they hit back bravely (except,of course, Bond against the Russians). There was Lawrence of Arabia, The Last Samurai, Dances with the Wolves, some movie on Vietnam, Letters to eo Jhima and now there's the 3D wonder Avatar. Frankly this movie was nothing without the effects. For plot, it had a sad story about how Americans attack Pandora and the native nomads defend their land, referring to earth as a 'dying planet'. I mean, c'mon guys, how much can you hate your own country? I don't think we Indians can stand a movie which portrays us in a bad light. Can we? May be we could tolerate a movie against Indians, but certainly nothing against our caste or community.

Mr. Bhagat, please stop polluting the world. You are a terrible excuse for a writer, you cry like a little girl for credit in a bad movie and you do not look or sound good on TV. As if this all wasn't enough, you are wasting precious newsprint space in TOI every Sunday. But I am not all criticism and can see the silver lining here. It's people like you who give me hope. If you could make a career out of writing, I figure I could become a Test-match batsman or even a Biotech scientist, in spite of the aforementioned span of attention.

That's right, the 3rd point is about that stupid movie. All sorts of thing, good and bad, have been said about the movie and hence all I want to say is, I have seen suicides in my college life but never due to a professor. The reason s always something else. Even in the movie, the Dean didn't anticipate the suicide/attempt and hence it's hardly logical to blame him. And yeah, in real life, the courses or projects aren't so difficult that they push you to such actions. I am a 'living' example, passing with a decent CGPA and a BTP which I finished in under 5 days (although I didn't have a job by the time I left but that blame lies on others and not at all on the prof).

Mob

Kannada actor Vishnu died yesterday. Apparently he was a legend here, next only to 'eeef you come today' Rajkumar. Realising the situation could be dangerous, Most offices remained closed and hence I got an unexpected holiday. Turns out, those fears were not baseless; his fans, who apparently had nothing better to do, torched a few vehicles. Now I don't believe in spirits but even those who do would agree that Yama did not come to take him in any of those vehicles.

This incident highlights our low levels of tolerance for anything and everything. A recent survey put us 2nd behind Iran on religious intolerance. I fear we would even beat Iran if we just talk about intolerance. Vishnu died, let off the steam with some charred vehicles. Rajkumar dies, kill 5 more. India cricket team lose a match, demolish their homes.

One could even comprehend (not support) the fury and angst over bigger issues like religion, reservation or a separate state but such chaos over a natural death is beyond imagination. The most frustrating thing is that these people always get away with it. Be it the Hindus in Gujarat, Gujjars in Rajasthan, Telangana supporters in Andhra or even yesterday's mob. The law keepers are all to happy to sweep it under the carpet.

It is infuriating to watch civilised people trample law and order like that. Perhaps we deserve an alive Afzal Guru, a '6-months sentenced' SPS Rathore and a remorseless Kasab. We perhaps also deserve the shame of not being able to try Hadlee or hang Abu Salem.

I hope things change and change soon.

Happy new year

Narcissist Narmad

Random Guy: What does 'Jai Ho' mean?

Achaar: Long live the revolution

10 Ways to have your way in India

1. Become Rich - Apart from making decisions effecting millions of lives, you can buy an IPL team and actually tell Sehwag how to play.

2. Be with a silver spoon born - This works great if you have billing issues with your mobile company. Just open one of your own. And if you are now getting the bills from your own company, you can do the following: spar over it with your brother so loud that neighbors hear everything. In the ensuing division of toys keep this one and then send the bill to your brother, just to teach him a lesson.

3. Become a movie (super) star - You can date the hottest of 'em, get away with hunting deer, running over people, doing shows for, politely put, questionable people and advertsing for Arindam Choudhary.

Caution : 'Super' is important; Shiney Ahuja is discovering that the hard way.

4. Be a star-son: You can start an acting career whenever you've run out of things to do or you can even marry a Miss World.

5. Become a cricketer: You can get a car imported without paying any duty or you can run for assembly elections. Just make sure people have forgotten about the irrelevant stuff like match-fixing or homicide charges. And blimey- You might even develop the guts to put India before Maharashtra despite being a Marathi living in Bombay... OMG...I'm terribly sorry.. It's Mumbai

6. Become a cricketer's son: Oops... This just came out with the flow. Not much good here, unless Rohan Gavaskar's lifestyle inspires you.

6. Become a gangster: This way, you can prepare the ground to become a politician, the benifits of which are described next.

7. Become a politician: Do I really need to explain this? You can also go down in history books as the one who reserved 27% of govt. seats to the disadvantaged, hence making the upper-caste born rue their lineage - an activity reserved for the reserved category before reservations came in to picture.

8. Become a politician's son: Apart from the obvious advantages of becoming a politician yourself, you can get away with doing cocaine and making headlines about it.

9. Declare yourself a Godman: You can claim others' land, indulge in nefariously sleazy activities and sit on a tiger's skin atop golden throne, while claiming to have renounced materialistic pleasures.

10.Fast-unto-death: This one is serious. Gandhi set a wrong precedent. In the first place, one man's principles cannot be more important than a nation's needs. And in today's world, with blind ambitions replacing principles, this is turning dangerous. One man can now ignite the whole of Andhra Pradesh.

Ways you might be tempted to take but shouldn't

11. Replace Manmohan Singh or YSR: They are at high and mighty positions but while the Reddy brothers have reined in YSR, MMS has been dutifully reporting to 'Madamji' since taking charge of India.

Bizarre Bihanis

Me(in a lot of pain): My wisdom tooth is erupting

Dad: YES!!! Thank God. I had given up hopes on you.

Such People Do Exist

This post is a bout a girl named Palak Muchhal. I heard of her for the 1st time when I was in Kota and she performed their. A sensational singer already, she was all of 12 years then. With time, I forgot about her, only to be reminded of her a few days later on my trip to Nagpur. My uncles had attended her performance just a day back and just could not stop talking about her. About her voice, her behaviour, her polite manner and the ever-visible smile on her face. But most of all, for her deeds.

Apart from accommodation and travel expenses, this girl charges a minimum of Rs. 50,000 per show and has erformed in Dubai and Singapore too. In Nagpur, I'm told, she collected Rs. 21 Lakhs. This is the amount donated by the 400-500 people present their. Apart from the obvious inferences about the gathering being of Big, fat-rich people, it perhaps indicates the cause she works for.

All the proceeds from her shows go in the treatment of children needing a heart surgery but whose parents cannot afford it. Since each surgery costs Rs. 50,000, hence the minimum amount. All she gets is a doll for each of the life saved. So far she has received 234 dolls and she is not even 18 yet. So if some 'possesses-truck-loads-of-money-but-doesn't-know-what-to-do-with-it' sort of guy stumbles upon this article; take this suggestion.

This obviously would not have been possible without her parents' support who have instilled such values in her and have retained those values themselves. I am not likely to forget this anytime soon.

Such people do exist
Kudos

Others in a Sachin moment

This day Sachin completes 20 years in International cricket. To borrow Ramiz Raja's catchphrase (or rather word), a 'tremendous' achievement. It could not have been easy, carrying the expectations of a billion people and more often than not, the responsibility of 10 others. Were I to get a Rupee for every run of his, I'd have been richer by about 30 grands, which, mind you, is no mean feat, earning 30,000 Rs., that is.

In keeping with this moment, the most popular faces in cricket lavished praises on him, namely Geoffrey Boycott, Ravi Shastri, Harsha Bhogle (English) and Maninder Singh (Hindi) . Everyone from his coach, brother to the extras who hung-around-him-in-a-pepsi ad and Shahrukh Khan have a different opinion about his greatest asset. While most said it was hard-work, passion and humility, there were a few who thought it was his butt. Strangely enough, nobody emphasises on his talent. Makes me think that any romeo-styled lover, with a dash of humility, a ripe butt and 2 litres of sweat everyday can become a national icon.

Admist all the fanfare, Lalit Modi lauded Sachin's marketing acumen in making Mumbai Indians the biggest IPL brand, despite not doing too well on-field. The defining moment, however, came when Sidhu quoted, "Just like it is foolish to drive after dusk without your headlights on, likewise, you should not drool over other women while your wife is around", admist fits of laughter after every word, which lasted anywhere between a minute to an hour. Rumour has it that every channel is now trying to put together an expert panel comprising at least a cricketer, a psychiatrist, an astrologer, an acclaimed novelist ( not Chetan Bhagat) and a finance, railway or foreign affairs minister, who will try and comprehend the gist of Mr. Sidhu's statement and find its parallels in Sachin's career.

It has also come to my notice that during one such show, MNS activists raided a TV Channel's office and disrupted proceedings. They shouted a few slogans and staged a walk-out, only to return after being reminded that this wasn't a parliamentary session. Despite nobody bothering to ask him, Raj Thakarey issued a reason for this 'appropriate' behavior by his party workers. According to him, Sachin being a Marathi Manoos, all the discussions regarding him should be held in Marathi on this occassion. Upon this declaration, he turned to the anchor of the show, Tony Greig, and warned him of dire consequences if not complied to - all in Marathi. Tony did well to not ask him to translate that in English.

All this drivel apart, it has been fantastic watching him play over the years. I hope he wins The Cup, and this time, for himself, more than for us. Also waiting for him to complete a century of centuries. I know the day will come. Amen

The idea of Democracy

India achieved independence in 1947 and we are now the largest democracy in the world. The vision of the founding fathers was 'Swaraj' or self-rule. In compliance with that, we elect MLAs and MPs who represent us in assemblies. This should give us self-rule, you would think. The govt. work for us, you would think. Not quite.

We do not have the power to rule ourselves. For starters, we presume that the ideas and principles of an elected representative would be in line with the interests of the majority of the population since they chose him. But history suggests that majority can never be kept united. In present times, Advani's hardcore Hindutva handed BJP a drubbing in the Lok-Sabha elections. Whereas in Bihar, MP and UP, the Lalus, Paswans and Mulayams have always kept their focus on large minorities. Hence the promises and subsequent schemes and actions are towards wooing minorities.

Even if the majority happens to elect itself a leader, it can only pick a representative for itself. The policy-makers or the ministers are chosen not by us but by the party 'high-command' which usually means the whims and fancies of at most half a dozen persons. How else could you justify the re-appointment of R. R. Patil as Maharashtra's home-minister, who termed the 26/11 attack as a minor incident. I am sure the majority of Maharashtrians wouldn't approve.

Then there are individuals who have the power to modify or change policies to suit them, perfectly under the realms of law. Without going deeper in to that, I'll just say that this class too is a minority. Perhaps keeping the majority, the 'aam-aadmi' interested while a small and powerful elite group runs the show from behind the curtains, is the game. What is our role then? At best, we have the power to pick those elites who run the show.

Totally Unrelated Note: Another heart-break for the nation as the old warhorse waged a lone battle in a sea of ruins, falling just before the line. The collective efforts of 10 others could not overcome the last hurdle. Sachin reminded us of the 90s, and so did the rest of the team.

Since Sachin's heroics and subsequent heartbreak, Tatenda Taibu and Mohammad Aameer went through the same fate, both bagging the man of the match award too. Sachin inspiration?

Rules & Evolution

Watching the pub scene in RDB, I feel like the characters in the 1st half are a lot closer to us than we realise. Every other person of my age (starting from me) is a cynic these days, questioning traditions to contemporary culture, from history to futuristic ideas and every timeline between them. With access to internet, blogs, online forums and other outlets, we now have a bigger platform to argue on than ever before.

While some are valid and thought provoking, a few of the popular ones are just rubbish and show the 'argumentative nature of Indians', who just have to question every norm. Specially the arguments against society, system and the likes. Apparently they hold back the free-spirited. Not entirely true that.

To begin with, if there were no rules, there would be no 'free-spirit', just like there's no darkness without light. Furthermore, all the animals follow some norms and rules within their herds which become more elaborate and clearly defined as we go up the evolutionary ladder. Man too, being a social animal, is bound to have them. Our rules are just more defined and clearly laid-down, in keeping with the our arguably superior mental capabalities.

Any set of rules, be it science or social-science, is open to modification, correction, interpretation and even rejection and hence is evolutionary in nature: survival of the fittest. What keeps evolving in the right direction, survives, and the others dissappear. The country-laws have, for instance, come a long way from Hammurabi's slabs or the 10 commandments to a Penal code, with 2kgs of paper. As with our body and brain, these systems have now become so complex that it's hard to track back the roots. A lack of understanding leads us to believe that they are whimsical, just like a lack of common-sense made us allow women to drive cars.

A system, in fact, is essential for growth and development. Let's take the most common system in the world, the number system, whose contribution in the development of mankind is obvious. Take in it, the most common number sequence: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. Now if you were to write 7.00000001 afer 7 in stead of 8, that would be wrong. While 7.0000001 is not wrong in itself but it is out of place their. If their were no such system in place, and 7.0000001 were as good as 8, we would never have learnt counting. Similarly, if their were no civic laws or codes of conduct, it would be a disaster. Lack of law enforcement always results in a breakdown of law and order. The increased crime-rates after disasters, like the Tsunami and Bihar, are a clear indicator. True, sometimes they seem suffocating, but they are evolving all the time. We are, but a mere means to a better system, not the sum of it.

If you feel strongly against something, pray that others do too, for then, it will fall by the side in the long run*. If you hate and question every rule and system created by mankind, go to the Himalayas. You might find some peace away from any traces of man. And oh, don't forget to leave those clothes behnd, they too afterall, are the result of a production system.

*Long-run: No time-frame. However, it is widely speculated that the long-run is usually longer than short-run.**

**Short-run: Believed to be shorter than the long-run, despite the lack of a comprehensive reason.

PS: I am not a responsible author and have deliberately left out a lot of aspects because i found them boring to write about.