My Dear Readers

I thought I shall write about my friends in IIT. It isn't because I'm feeling particularly nostalgic, it's just that I am too jobless and sleepless. As I think of the people I want to mention, it seems so useless to mention them too, thanks to their expected responses. And having lived with them for those 4 bloody eventful (not fruitful, eventful) years I can bet my life on them living up to my expectations. So here are those responses:

• Satyan 'achaar' Chaudhary: "Just another supercilious blog. You see, the problem is that you are not a Jat and blah, blah, blah..." Oh, he won't read the blog btw.
  
  
• Sajal 'ip' Gothi: "Itna lambaaaa... kaise padhunga main." He's the only one who won't read it and do so honestly.
  
  
• Sameer "Bhalla" Singh: He will read it but will take that shameful secret to his grave.
  
  
• Achal "Item" Jain: Would have read it even before I'd ask him to and when I'll ask for his response (yes, I extract that out of people) his reply won't be longer than 2 words. The latter being a noun (good, bad, crappy) and the 1st one being "was".
  
  
• Karan "BJ" Syal: Will comment on it, invariably linking it to girls, with a reason-defying logic. I will then have to delete the comment as keeping it on my blog is embarrassing.
  
  
• Manish "waggy/DKG/Kaduwa/..." Sharma: Will declare the blog racist and then blame excesive intake of 'chai' for my error in judgement, much to the anguish of us tea-lovers.
  
  
• Nelson "Nelson" Veda...something: Will come up with the worst of PJs about it and crack them as soon as I ping him. "An eye for an eye" at its best.
  
  
• Pratik "Punchar" Gupta: Will always read it and throw in his two cents as he believes in 'doing unto others...'. (Why he doesn't spell punchar as Puncture remains a mystery to me).
  
  
• Anish "KG" Bangia: Will do the same as puncture, but with altruist intentions.
  
  
• Pratyusha "Granny, is it?" Mogalisetti: Will read it seriously. Period.
  
  
• Others: Won't even read the entries I consider my favorites, but will shower praises on the ones that I think stink. Reminds me of my trips to stores with my mom to buy a shirt.
  

P.S.: Following up the last post, the Aussies, to my delight, lost the 2nd test. It was heartwarming to watch Freddy Flintoff run in and bowl a 9th over equally hostile as his first. Not that I particularly like that 6'4" frame of his, it's just that I hate the Aussies more.

Ricky Ponting ko gussa kyun aata hai?

Mr. Ponting is fuming, behaving like a child whose candy has been snatched away. The frown which almost always accompanies him when touring India made an aberration and paid him a visit at Cardiff. Incidentally, the cause of the frustration was a spinner Sardar this time too, albeit with the bat.

In the post-match conference, Ponting blasted England's time delaying tactics, which included changing gloves, calling the physio and causing rain on the 4th day. He stated that apart from the rain, it was pretty 'ordinary stuff'. On further coaxing, he revealed that he won't report the incident as he felt that ICC should first take care of similar but bigger issues like the 'time delaying tactics' adopted by Indian govt. officials while constructing a bridge or a road.

He also publicly requested Arjun Singh to officiate in the next match as he was convinced the move will help hm squeeze in many more overs in the given time. It is believed that Lalit Modi was also in contention but Mr. Arjun Singh's ability to squeeze in 127 in the space of 100, combined with his 24x7 availability, since being dumped unceremoniously from the cabinet worked in his favour. Mr. Modi did not help his case by suggesting to squeeze in therapeutic breaks every 10 overs, where it would be mandatory for physios to tend to players, which seems to have left Mr. Ponting fuming.

When the conversation veered to 'spirit of the game', an over zealous reporter reminded him of the Indian tour when he and his mates ignored a pre-series agreement between the two sides and resorted to sledging, ultimately resulting in the Monkeygate scandal. Mr. Ponting responded graciously by explaining the terms of the agreement, but only after pointing out that the question was 'against the spirit of journalism'. Apparently, claiming grassed catches, prompting an umpiring decision or calling your opponents bastards was all well within the agreement. The only act excluded was calling someone a monkey. (weird country though, where calling someone a bastard is OK but monkey can wreak havoc.)

He went on (& on & on) to mourn the unfair treatment meted out to him every time he tours England or India. Since they can't win fair n' square, the English either put in a specialist fielder as a sub ('05 Ashes) or resort to time-delaying tactics. The Indians on the other hand, bring on Bhajji to bowl to him.

Just when yours truly was getting iffy with his rants, he signed off by warning England to behave themselves and start losing or else, the Aussies will fall back on a simple philosophy they have been using against the Indians. 'If you can't beat 'em on-field, beat 'em off it.'

Bizarre Bihanis

Dad (While watching one of those Hindi movies award shows): So many people from Bollywood are here. If someone bombs this place down, imagine how many newcomers will get a livelihood.

An office down south

A self-portrait with a story...
The story being how I would look like if I were to go to an office which were 10 kms directly south from home.* (conditions apply)

*I walk both ways and without any protection against the sun...

Bizarre Bihanis

Mom: Beta... I accept, even when i dont understand everything in ( oh one of those) K-serials... I just don't understand how can they show people entering temples with chappals...

Professions & Alcohol

Every time I meet friends of friends I am invited to a sleep over and a round of booze preceding that... When I try to dodge it, they claim that IITians are guzzlers and that me skipping a chance to get sloshed is a puzzler... It is also widely accepted that engineers consume more alcohol than any other undergrad community... I shall go as far as claiming that doctors and dentists (if you please) are the next biggest consumer group for Dr. Mallya's flagship products... It goes so on and so forth...

Do I find a correlation between liqueur consumption and profession??? Actually I do:

As long as there are enough left to let you think straight, a person's liqueur consumption is directly proportional to the amount of grey cells he/she can afford to lose...

Oh yes.. I cut out the 'she' because they don't have a limit. The more they lose it, the more we love them...

The Old Man & The Elephant

It's finally over..

Part 1

Once their lived a king,
as whimsical as... well, a king.
he had an elephant pet..
the animal would never trumpet...

a reward was declared for the one,
who could set off jumbo's siren...
Hordes of men tried their luck,
but gold was not to be struck...

Then appeared an old man,
with a limp in leg and staff in hand...
He hobbled around the elephant thrice,
and finally stood near his rear side...

All of a sudden he made his move,
sticking the staff up jumbo's groove
The elephant screamed like never before
and the old man left with riches galore

Part 2

An year had passed,
since the old man triumphed..
King's whims were at their best,
At the center of them, again, was the poor pet...

The task looked straightforward,
Just make him nod and shake his head...
Hordes of men again tried their luck,
but gold was still not to be struck...

Then appeared the same, old old man,
with a limp in leg and staff in hand...
He hobbled around the elephant thrice,
and this time, stood within his sight...

He then asked in jumbo's ears if he recalled...
The poor elephant responded with a nod...
He then asked 'Do u want more of the pain'?
The head shook and our old man won again...

BT Brutes:

Sass: Quit smoking daaa... I'm against the anti-tobacco drive

Doctors & Chemists

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Go here.

INTRODUCTION

In today's world, buying medicines from a prescription slip is like delivering a steganographic letter. Even if you try to decipher it, you cant make out a single word. The best idea is to just hand it over to the chemist who knows the code and is the only guy who can crack it.

HISTORY

There have been incidents in history where an ignorant messenger has carried a letter containing the order for his own impalement. Times have changed. These days, a doctor's prescription can only instruct the chemist to screw the patient monetarily and that too should be only as much as he can bear and can come again for another round.

SPECULATIONS

We found that its quite possible that a doctor has struck a deal with the chemist... "I handle the complicated stuff and for the common stuff, I'll just send you a diagnosis in cryptic, and you give a medication you prefer, since it's too much for me to remember the remedy to all the diseases." The parallel to this phenomenon can be found in any college where two guys decide to cheat in an exam and either one crams up half the portion.

SUGGESTIONS/ALTERNATE PROFESSIONS

A doctor and the chemist who owns the shop just outside the clinic can be hired for secret services as a doctor written letter can only be cracked by the chemist so this is as good a message delivery system as any.

Doctors are our best shot at finding a cure for Alzheimers too. The obvious reason being that they are, after all, doctors. Another reason is that their handwriting can form the lowest level of comprehensible jots while creating a database. Get it? They are the threshold which separates Amitji (respect warranted) in Black and my thesis guide, making sense of whose scribblings consumed half the time I had allocated to my BTP (which was about 5 days, give or take 1), and who inspired me to carry out this extra curricular research work.

Ya.. I knwo teh lsat wrod in teh prveoius praa was mis-splet but taths dyslexia, not Alzheimer's...

RECOMMENDATION

On a serious note, I recommend that it be made mandatory for Doctor's to start using a notepad with grids and write one letter in each cell. I have seen a doctor doing that and it works.

REFERENCE

A few prescription slips.

The Ex

I know we have split...
I know we are over..
Had to happen one day...
It couldn't last forever...

Some time it will take,
to move on I thought...
Was I stupid but,
having not another one sought???

While I was reminiscing,
and thinking you felt the same way,
You were looking at a new sunshine
and were busy making some hay...

Did it take much to replace me?
or just a heartbeat and a blink???
Do you ever think of me,
when you are with him???

Another lesson that life has taught,
another lesson that I have learned...
Never promise exclusivity there,
never in a cup of tea, get your heart burnt..


Prologue: Achal a.k.a. Item found a new tea partner, after going steady with me for over 2 years... Understandably, I'm heart-broken...